Gome of the Week
Yes, let's put this man on live television.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Wilford Brimley World - Angelfire lives.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Money to Burn (1994)
McQueen. Swayze. Estevez. They're all here. And if you think Chad, Don, and Joe are willing to stoop so low as to cash in on their famous family names, you'd be sorely mistaken. Because I doubt anyone (aside from the severely naked Julie Strain) got paid for this movie.
But they should have, because it entertained the shit out of me. From the numerous, mile-wide plot holes to the every-scene-is-one-take-and-improvised style of director John Sjogren (The Thief & The Stripper), this movie had everything I look for in a flick that was shot over a long, drunk weekend.
These two greaseballs are friends with a guy named Kevin who gets a job doing security, only to witness a big-time crime on his first day and, long story short, steals a suitcase full of money from the crooks because he saw where they stashed it. Like an idiot, he lets his choadbag friends start spending the money wrecklessly.
That is basically the whole movie, until the bad dudes finally come back for their cash and there is some chasing and murderousness.
Julie Strain shows up as a skanky club chick who enjoys banging dudes she just met and then not wearing any clothes for a while after that. It's the role she was born to play, baby.
Perfect example of why this movie rules: at one point during the spending-spree part of the movie, the two guys are just on a boat with two chicks in bikinis all of a sudden. They are never shown buying a boat or meeting the girls, though they talk openly in front of them about how they stole the money. Then it's over and the girls and the boat are never seen again. It's like somebody just lent the director the boat for 20 minutes.
They also go to a Guitar Center and "jam." Seeing Don Swayze play bass made my life complete.
Here is the trailer. Strap in.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Fredi - Niin Paljon Kuuluu Rakkauteen (1972)
You may remember Fredi from last week. I guess I have another one.
This seems to be similar to the other one in style, too, with Fredi doing his oddly high-pitched versions of songs like "Love is a Many Splendored Thing" (that's the title track), "Lovin' You Ain't Easy" ("Minut Helposti Sait"), and "Bridge Over Troubled Water" ("Silta Yli Synkan Virran").
The man with the helmet hair and the silky voice. Here's the title track.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
oooh, I feel like a celebrity - A sweet way to sarcastically respond to somebody doing something small and meaningless for you.
Origin - I think I mutated it from an original Jim Gaffigan bit.
Usage - "Excuse me stewardess, dude, can I have a Diet Coke on ice?"
"Tell you what - I'll give you the whole can. Dude."
"Oooh, dude, I feel like a celebrity."
"Yes, it's quite an honor."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You've Been Going to Too Many Local Wrestling Events:
10. You recognize all the other dirtbags that go to all the local wrestling events
09. You smell like elks lodges and questionable human hygiene
08. The wrestlers keep looking at you from the ring for approval on the move they just did
07. The basic stuff's not working anymore - you're going to need to see somebody's career ended with a car battery
06. You're leaving work early to shave down the wrestlers before each show
05. You used to kiss your wife goodnight, now you back-body-drop her goodnight
04. You're starting to feel attractive and thin in comparison to the people you're surrounding yourself with
03. I don't know, maybe you follow one of the wrestlers home or something totally chill and cool like that
02. You got a portrait of "The Sexiest Doctor Alive," Dr. Kliever, tattooed on your back
01. You've never played so many games of "at least I'm not that guy" in your life
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