Gome of the Week
Aaaaaaaaand that's enough.
That's quite enough.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Jerry Stiller Visits Astoria - If you are a Frank Costanza fan, you're going to want to watch this.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Black Ice (1992)
If you were in need of a fun project and had like a year to kill, watching the collected works of Michael Ironside could really be an entertaining way to school yourself in the fine art of the b-movie. The dude has been in a ton of them. In fact, I just saw him a few weeks back in The Killing Man, and I'm fairly certain I've got another film that he's featured in waiting on my shelf. The guy put in some serious work in the 80's and 90's. Sadly, a lot of these movies - like this one - will probably never see a DVD release. In this case, that's a good thing.
When they show full-on nudity in the previews before the feature, you can usually expect a rare treat to follow. Because that's the signal that the people behind the movie just don't give a fuck. Either that, or they try to hook you with the boobage early, so you'll sit through a shit flick in hopes of seeing more. This movie did the double-hook: nudity in the previews, and some serious nudity in the first ten minutes of the movie. And it was all downhill from there.
The problem with mysterious main characters in movies is that if you don't find out what the real deal is with them by the halfway point, you get tired of caring about their plight. Being less than forthcoming about their true identity may fly for 30 minutes, but after a while it's just annoying. So it goes in this movie, where a girl accidentally kills a politician, pays a LBST-heavy cabbie to drive her across the country, and tries to avoid being offed by a dude who claims to be, depending on who he's talking to, with the DEA, FBI, the Treasury Dept. - you get the idea. So we don't know what his story is. She's mum on why she's running. The cab driver is a dullard. It all makes for a very boring - and frustratingly confusing - movie. And in the end, there's a bit of a payoff, but not one that is close to satisfying the questions that the entire movie was based on.
And, no boobage after the initial boob-filled opening. AND, this movie makes a point of saying it's unrated. Ooh, they know how to suck you in. Anyway, not a terrible movie, but just a bit of a snorer. Fairly certain the folks who made this were just dicks. And I can't find a trailer. I want to kick this movie in the groin.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Meg Christian - Face the Music (1977)
I can't front, y'all: I bought this record based solely on the fact that there is a track on it called "Leaping Lesbians." That there is a photo of a jumping Christian on the back, clad in slacks and button-up vest, looking like a dead ringer for John Denver, was just the icing on the cake.
Turns out this isn't much more than a pleasant collection of feminist folk from the 70's, and there's nothing wrong with that. And "Leaping Lesbians" is everything I hoped it would be. It's a live recording, highly sarcastic, and probably the best song ever about female basketball players. Check it here.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Muggsy Bogues - A sweet way to describe humidity.
Origin - Sweat, the little dude.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I am experiencing some intense back sweat right now."
"Dude, I got out of the shower today and never got dry. It is mad muggy out there."
"Dude, it is Muggsy Bogues out there."
"Dude. Indeed it is."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Reasons You Keep An Old T-Ball Bat Under the Seat of Your Car:
10. Great conversation-starter for the single moms you entertain in your backseat
09. Hey, you never know when a t-ball game might break out
08. Makes a pleasantly rhythmic clanking sound when bookies are violently rocking your car back and forth while you're locked inside
07. It's always nice to have something handy to point to and threaten to shove up someone's ass
06. Sometimes you get drunk enough to bust out your own tail lights in front of your old girlfriend's house, and you found out the hard way that your forehead isn't the right tool for the job
05. Hanging out the window while driving and wildly gesturing with it really makes people get the fuck out of the way
04. You like to hold it while fornicating with prostitutes and then make them call you "The Sultan of Sack"
03. Your six-year-old daughter needs a bat her size if she's going to properly play mailbox baseball in your parole officer's neighborhood
02. Gives you the air of a sophisticated man who enjoys the finer things in life, like "street justice"
01. Sometimes you just like to lick some low-grade aluminum
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