Gome of the Week
The old guy's asking nicely, Spike. So please, shut your face.










This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Compton's Most Wanted - Not the rap group, but som damn cool photos.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Alien Visitor (1997)

Often people ask me what is the worst movie I have ever seen. Although I wouldn't say that this is number one, I would say that it is up there. This thing is a pile of garbage. Here is the plot: some guy is camping by himself. A naked alien woman beams down to him. Then they spend the worst 90 minutes of my life talking about how humans are destroying the planet. That is it. Two people walking around unpopulated areas discussing ecological matters. A person with a 4th grade education might find all of this "stimulating" or "enlightening." I found it excruciating. The only thing that saves this from maybe being the worst movie I have ever seen is the very brief inclusion of nudity. That will always move it up a few spots with me. Avoid at all costs.

Love, Biff.








This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Bonnie Prudden - Keep Fit/Be Happy #2 (1967)

Bonnie's got a great attitude, some pep in her step, and a voice like your junior high lesbian gym teacher. It all equals fun and fitness. Or it should. She turns out to be a bit of a hard ass. This album is filled with diagrams, literature, and some gentle goading. She suggests you do this 42 minute workout every day of the week. But what about Sundays? Can't I rest on Sundays? "There should be no time out for Sundays...unless that's the day you spend two or three hours on sports." Yikes, lady. Apparently it worked for her. According to Wikipedia she's still alive, at the ripe old age of 94. Kicking it in Tucson. Big ups.




This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
...which, if true, means death for us all. - An ominous statement, to be used nonsensically or to sum up a dark turn of events.

Origin - Kent Brockman.

Usage - "Dude, I am unstoked. We are striking out with the chicas."

"Dude, maybe it's because you say things like 'chicas.'"

"Point taken, dude. Listen, there's a cool new bro shop downtown, they've got some sweet bro gear, and I hear Saturdays are 80's night. Bro, we should dude it up and bro down there, possibly meet some fillies."

"Which, if true, means death for us all."



This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Ways I Could Kill You With One Hand Tied Behind My Back:

10. The patented Black Rebel Chop
09. A barrage of spastic, tumbling, windmill style kicks to the head and chest area
08. Press play on a DVD player that contains a copy of Requiem for a Dream
07. Find an internet hitman with convenient, one-click shopping service
06. Make you eat chinese throwing stars by turning up the heat, making you sleepy, waiting for you to yawn, and then winging
the stars into your mouth when you do
05. You only need one fist for a high quality heart punch
04. Run you over with a car (automatic transmission only)
03. Trick you into going inside, and becoming trapped in, an old, abandoned refrigerator. With my mind.
02. Remember when you said you were going to die if you didn't get some ice cream? I'm going to hold the door shut with my free hand so you cannot reach that ice cream
01. I take pride in my neck gnawing, and I'll see it through 'til the end


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