06.19.13
Gome of the Week
The only thing more annoying than Andrew WK?
Andrew WK playing drums for a day straight.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Album Cover Collection (NSFW) - A carefully curated selection of album art from today's top indie musicians.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Prayer of the Rollerboys (1990)
Haim on blades!
You know what's funny? Or maybe not funny but possibly a testament to the fact that Haim was actually a way better actor than people give him credit for and so maybe he did this specifically for this role? Dude was a really good Rollerblader.
I mean, he wasn't in a half-pipe in this or anything, but he was really shooting around like he knew what he was doing. As if I should have expected anything less...
It's Los Angeles in the not-too-distant future; the United States has turned into a cesspool of corruption, idiocy, and human garbage; and the inevitable Race War is being fought by a group of trenchcoated punks on Rollerblades. I mean, come on: that's pretty good.
Haim plays Griff, an orphaned teenage pizza delivery guy who lives with his smartass, rat-tailed little brother and a Wise Old Black Man™ named Speedbagger. And yes, I got a huge charge out of the name Speedbagger. Still pretty happy about it.
The Rollerboys are a white-supremacist gang of thugs who manufacture and distribute Mist, a drug that a large portion of the population seems to be hooked on. Griff's little brother falls in with the gang, starts dealing Mist, and soon Griff gets roped into going undercover and helping the severely underpowered police force take down the drug operation and the Rollerboys. While doing that he meets Casey (Patricia "Sultry Snaggle" Arquette), who is also with the cops and totally down to hook up, bro.
The decaying city is basically lawless, so shit gets mad chaotic, leaving the door open for plenty of chases that feature some hot 'bladin action. In the end it leads Griff to a blade-on-blade showdown with Gary Lee, the leader of the Rollerboys and Griff's childhood friend. I won't give away the ending, but I will say this: they leave it WIDE open for a sequel. Still no word on that.
Here is the trailer. I recommend elbow pads.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Malcom Dalglish & Grey Larsen - Thunderhead (1982)
Yes, before he found fame with The Far Side, cartoonist Grey Larsen played flagolet and fiddle on this all-instrumental album that features the hammer dulcimer quite prominently.
Wait, that's not right.
Well, whoever they are, here's a video of them performing a song from this record.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
ooh, that was a hot one - A sweet way to let people close to you know that the fart you just let slip is going to smell really bad because it almost burned you on the way out.
Origin - Chilitos supreme.
Usage - "Dude, you got home late last night and made a ruckus."
"Dude, I ate a whole 12-pack of frozen chimichangas upon entering our domicile."
"Dude, what was that noise just now? It sounded like homemade pudding cooking."
"Ooh, dude, that was a hot one. You better go outside."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things the Wii U Has That the XBox and Playstation Don't:
10. A direct line to my heart
09. A million ways to relive your misspent youth while a death knell chimes in the distance
08. A gamepad that your wife will have trouble navigating so she can watch Designing Women on Netflix
07. Uh, a stylus. Ever heard of it?
06. Vertical console holder for maximum standupability
05. A cool hangout for your Miis, used by no one and occupied solely by bots and pedophiles
04. 10 Nintendo points, good towards a Nintendo duffel bag or offically licensed methadone kit
03. Street cred
02. Hard-to-find Easter egg that features Donkey Kong peeing in his own mouth
01. I don't know, Pokemon or some sadly exclusive shit like that
Cancel One Career
