06.12.13
Gome of the Week
"Let's ride all the way to Burning Man!"
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Star Wars Art Show - Some of these pieces of art are really cool, and some are really not.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Virus (1997)
This is basically Outbreak, but instead of fun little infected monkey we get a pill-popping big-rig driver with tanker full of chemical weapons, and instead of those countless teams of disease-expert military personnel, we get The Boz.
I have been putting off watching this movie for about two years because there are a limited number of Brian Bosworth action flicks, and I'm getting down to the nitty-gritty here. I think after this one I've only got a few left, and it doesn't look like he's making any more, unless you count the ultra-creepy Left Behind-type movies he's currently making, which I don't. Because that shit is mad troubling.
But, back in '97, Boz was still game to shatter ribs and save the world. This movie doesn't top Stone Cold or One Man's Justice, but it was pretty sweet.
Bosworth plays a top Secret Service agent, the guy who is standing next to the President at speeches and whatnot. He heads to a tiny town where the President is preparing to have a summit, and while he's there a dude wrecks a truckful of deadly toxins that quickly infect a few random people, including Bosworth and the local female veterinarian he somehow didn't end up getting awkwardly romantic with in this thing.
But where did these chemicals come from? This thing goes straight to the top, baby! So after he's quarantined and then quickly tackles and spears his way out of that quarantine (did I mention he's a former college football star in this?), he sets out to save himself and his infected friends, but also to expose the corrupt government that is behind this whole thing. It takes lots of punching, some light kicking, and heavy use of a series of UZIs, but he eventually follows the trail, and it leads straight to a miscarriage of justice at the expense of the American people. And that will not stand.
So the kicking must continue.
Here is the trailer. You may want to wear your hazmat suit while viewing.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Paul Smith - Heavy Jazz - Vol. 2 (1977)
Not sure what they mean by "heavy" here. This is wuss jazz at its finest, unless you consider a peppy, swingin', bass/piano/cocktail-kit version of "The Lady is a Tramp" to be too much for your feeble mind to fathom.
Still, this is really pleasant wuss jazz, and the dude can tickle the shit out of the ivories.
Though I think they went a little heavy on the liner notes. Feels like homework.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
bone sesh - A sweet way to describe a sexual encounter.
Origin - My frat bros.
Usage - "Dude, what did you end up doing last night?"
"Dude, I saw The Internship four times and then hit the club."
"Dude, was it a successful evening?"
"Dude, it was dinner, dancing and a sweaty, thrusty bone sesh, so you tell me."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things I'm Scared the NSA Will Find Out About Me and My Online Activities:
10. That time seven years ago when someone gave me neutral feedback on eBay. It's like a scarlet letter, but not as bright
09. My predilection for John Cena Faberge eggs
08. My last Google search was "greasy dudes"
07. My wuss-jazz playlist on Spotify
06. I've been Skyping with David Faustino and I think I've earned his trust
05. My Empty Nest fan fiction
04. I've LOLed, but I'm not going to sit here and act like I've ROFLcoptered
03. My extensive collection of shirtless Hume Cronyn pics
02. I use one password for everything and it's SWARTHYSTUD69
01. That time someone caught me reading Buzzfeed
Cancel One Career
