04.10.13
Gome of the Week
Diddy made Rockin' Robin's version of "America the Beautiful" at Wrestlemania V seem like Streisand.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
What Ali Wore - This old German dude's got style.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Murder Rap (1988)
This movie's been on my shelf for months, and I could only see the spine, so I figured it was some wittily titled Master P or Ice-T vehicle. 'Tis not. Instead, it's just a craptastic murder mystery, and also John "Now You Know Who I'm Talking About" Hawkes' first movie.
He is described on the back as being "the James Dean of the 80's." I think we all remember that and how that worked out for him.
He is joined by S. Kathleen Feigny, who gets an "and introducing" credit, as well as a mention that she is an "international model." This is her only credit on IMDb.
This movie was a huge mess - and that really messy kind where it's so ridiculous that you wish someone was watching it with you so you could confirm the existence of plot holes so large that you're legitimately concerned that you lost consciousness for 5-10 minutes.
At one point in the movie, dude kills a few people and goes on the run. He then torches the storage facility he was living in, and the evening news describes it as "the hideout of a wanted murderer" before they even put out the fire. Previous to this, there had been no mention of his name in association with the crimes. And, also, if the cops knew where the hideout of the guy they were looking for - for double homicide - was, then why... I can't even start down this road. It will be paved with me crying.
Two guys have a conversation in this movie and one of 'em's like, "We don't make deals with punks like you. But I'll tell you what: maybe we can work something out." I mean good lord.
The one redeeming quality was that Hawkes' character was a recordist who would go out, make field recordings of the sounds of the city, then import them to his keyboard and make songs from them. He even dicks around on a Synclavier for a while. For 1988, that's pretty sweet.
The "trailer" is here, and it literally shows the final scene of the movie and is a huge spoiler. Man, this flick is trouble all around.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Five Star - Luxury of Life (1985)
I had never heard of this group, but according to their almost suspciously maintained Wikipedia page, I have learned that they were in fact incredibly popular during the 80's, though I think most of that was happening overseas. They are also all related. I think this might be the British Jets.
By the way, I am not making fun of the Wikipedia thing. I actually think it's awesome. Pages for every one of their singles? Now that's completism.
Here they are performing "Let Me Be the One."
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
I did a push up, ate an egg on it - what else can you do with it? - A sweet way to write something off.
Origin - This.
Usage - "Dude, can I borrow your Honda Spree?"
"Dude, you can have my Honda Spree."
"Dude, you don't want it?"
"Dude, I did a push up, ate an egg on it - what else can you do with it?"
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You Are a Can of Coors Light:
10. You are rattling around under the feet of an operator of an unregistered speedboat
09. You are lodged in the pocket of homemade jorts
08. You have a keyhole jammed in your side and a goateed guy is sucking on you and peeing himself simultaneously
07. You are being used as the ball in sadistic game of baseball where the bat is a wooden oar and there's nary a sleeved shirt in sight
06. You were born in an ice-cold, refreshing river. Coors: it's what's for dinner
05. You're being hurled at a guy who had the fuckin' gall to say Van Hagar was "fair to middlin'"
04. When people talk about running into you, they don't say the saw you, they say they seen you
03. You're hidden under the porch, ready at all times to add instantly regrettable finger-blasting to any party or social event
02. You are under the impression that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin is the lord and creator of all of this
01. You're really starting to understand the finer points of NASCAR
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