Gome of the Week
"Oil can."









This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Rare Photos of Industrial Bands Looking Happy - I think the idea may be better than the execution, but it's a funny idea.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Mikey (1992)

I know what you're thinking: "Doesn't Krueger spell his name 'Freddy'?" He does. My guess is they're referring to Freddie Mercury, who had just died when this was released. Too soon, guys. Too soon.

Brian "We All Knew This Wouldn't End Well" Bonsall plays the titular character in this severely awesome movie, where he is a one-boy killing machine, mowing down any family that dare adopt him. They're all like, "We love you, welcome home!" And he's all like, "Hey, I'm going to cave in your skull with a t-ball bat!"

He also shoots people with a pro-grade bow and arrow, and throws a molotov cocktail into a house where he has started a gas leak. The kid is resourceful.

Josie "Anyone Up for a Melrose Place TV Movie?" Bissett plays his teenage love interest, though she's too old and has a boyfriend, so Mikey kills the boyfriend, which somehow still doesn't seal the deal. What's this kid gotta do to get some attention in this piece, launch an arrow through the abdomen of his grade-school principal, played by Ferris Bueller's dad?

This was Bonsall's film debut, and maybe the world just wasn't ready for Andrew Keaton covered in chunks of his adoptive father's brain matter. Maybe that was just a little "too much" for "society." Me? I thought it was right in the zany kid's wheelhouse. We've all wanted to take out our adoptive mother by beating her about the face and legs with a hammer, and this little monster gave us a voice. You're a hero, Mikey. The kind of hero who sits in his third-grade class, jabbing himself in the arm with pushpins.

Here is the trailer. Might want to strap on a diaper.




This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Walter Murphy - Rhapsody in Blue (1977)

Hot damn! That's one big-ass pianer!

Murphy is the dude who discofied Beethoven, and I think this was the follow-up to that very of-the-moment smash hit. This LP has a few more classical-turned-dance numbers, but it also has some Murphy originals that are much more fun. And even a little bit funky.

I did not know this before the internet told me, but Murphy is the guy who does a lot of the music for Family Guy and all those related shows. Good to see a man survive disco like that.

Here is the song "Uptown Serenade" from this record. It's on some waka-waka shit.





This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
away game - A sweet way to secretly refer to not-at-home pooping.

Origin - Pocaroba's grade school.

Usage - "Oh, dude. Can you order food for me?"

"Dude, we just got here. What's up?"

"Dude, I've got an away-game situation and the hometown crowd seems hostile, if you know what I mean."

"Dude, don't let them psych you out. You just get in there and do what you gotta do."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Depressing Signs of Life:

10. A faint, lazy pulse
09. Rancid gherkin breath
08. Chubby gnarled knee movement
07. I think its neck beard just quivered
06. A weak whisper inquiring on the whereabouts of comedy cut-up Fred Willard
05. Involuntarily vomited-up mini corndogs
04. A neck swivel at the first note of a Tool song
03. A hearty man-breast ripple
02. A thumbs-up with a thumb ring on it
01. Eye-blinks that spell out "Dr. Who Rules" in morse code


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