01.30.13
Gome of the Week
Good question. If I had to venture a guess I'd say "douchebags being choads?"
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Catch the Beat: The Roots of Punk and Hip Hop Photography - Good pictures of cool people.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Malicious (1995)
I was positive Pocaroba had written about this movie years ago, but I could find no record of it, so here we go. Plus, he doesn't have the promotional copy with exclusive behind-the-scenes footage of Molly Ringwald awkwardly explaining what drew her to this character, somehow without uttering the word "paycheck."
Ringwald was 27 when she made this, which is sad for her career but a bonus for posterity, because she takes her shirt off in this thing and I'm glad we as a society have a permanent nude record of her while she was still relatively young. Send it to the Smithsonian!
I thought I had seen this movie years ago, and maybe I did, but if so, I don't remember it. Quick summation: It's Fatal Attraction, but instead of a high-powered, handsome businessman, the object of the female stalker's desire is a goateed college baseball player with a severe underbite and an uncanny ability to stand at the plate with the tenacity of a second-grade girl who's never held a bat before.
And, he's not married. He just has a girlfriend. And, she doesn't kill the family rabbit, she kills the dude's girlfriend's cat by gutting it and hanging it on a hook in her bathroom. What a nut!
Seriously, though: I'd be stoked if Molly Ringwald stalked the shit out of me. Just putting that out there. I don't want to see any cats get killed, but if she wanted to raw-dog it in the backseat of her dead (from her murdering) dad's Jag, I might give it a go. I'm just saying.
This flick was ridiculous, but seeing Ringwald play batshit was worth ignoring all the FOR SCREEING PURPOSES ONLY warnings that flashed across my screen every ten minutes. Highly recommended.
Watch the trailer here. And watch your back when this kook's on the loose, amiright?
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
This Kids - Let's Have Fun! (1983)
Yeah, I don't understand the band name either.
I don't know how I've heard of Stevie Salas - he's a guitar shredder dude with hundreds of credits to his name, so maybe it just stuck with me somehow. Not important.
What is important, and it's why I'm bringing this up, is that this was his first band, and it's on the teenybopper tip. Check out the hot cut "I Need You." It will give you a canker sore.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
totes brute - A sweet way to refer to something that is totally brutal.
Origin - I don't know, but this crusty band is carrying the torch.
Usage - "Oh, dude. What are you watching?"
"Dude, I filmed my own bootleg of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters when I saw it in the theater for the fifth time."
"Dude, this is totes brute."
"Dude, what? My life? Dude, I can't argue with that."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things Other Than "I Told You I'm Happy as Shit!" Jason London Said When He Shit His Pants in the Back of a Cop Car:
10. "I took a shit like this on the set of Dazed & Confused. Have you seen the film?"
09. "I'm happier than a washed-up burnout in shit right now."
08. "I told you I'm the shit! Get it? Because I just dumped in my pants?"
07. "No shit! Oh, wait. Shit."
06. "The contents of my jeans eerily echo the state of my career."
05. "Hey, faggot? Yes, you, the faggot in the front seat. Can you not tell anyone about this, faggot?"
04. "I know Ben Affleck. That's at least gotta be good for a wet wipe, right?"
03. "Fucking look me up, bitch! I'll wait, simmering in my own feces, while you hit up IMDb."
02. "Don't sweat it - I'm studying up for a role in a made-for-TV movie where I'll be playing a guy who has given up on even the most basic tenets of human decency."
01. "I keep telling you! I'm not the one who was forced to smoke crack! I was the one insulting him while he was doing that. Guess the script just got flipped, homie!"
Cancel One Career
