Gome of the Week
Your aunt loves flash mobs.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Congress of Freaks - This photo has so many stories to tell.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Learn from the Best (1988)
If you're a fan of Cheap Seats, you may recognize the suave, debonair Nick Varner in tne top left square there. I think he teamed with Lawrence Taylor or somebody in some severely awkward pro-am tourney on that show.
He looks like a Tim Blake Nelson hayseed character but plays pool like Fast Eddie Felson. Bet the dude just loves to get his hustle on.
Anyway, I was hoping this thing would dick around with some basics and then placate the child in me with a long segment of trick shots, but no such luck. Instead, this colorful group of characters teaches you billiard basics while wearing tuxedos (the men and the women), and then quickly jumps into advanced shots that only lunatics would take the time to learn.
But, if you've ever watched billiards on TV, you know that all pool players are severely crazy, and they all have nicknames like "Iceman," even though they're middle-aged, moustachioed, balding men who seem to tremble at the slightest inkling of human contact.
The guy who hosts this video is married to the Swedish pool sharkstress in the bottom left there, and before every segment she's in, he talks about how in love they are. During the bit on "kiss shots" I thought the dude's brain was going to explode with all the possibilities for sexual innuendo. Every one of them a winner!
Here's the TV commercial that originally advertised the tape. Please enjoy the names of the players.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Keith Sykes - I'm Not Strange I'm Just Like You (1979)
I've had this record for a while, and judging from the cover, I figured it was some late-70's Knack-type shit or something.
Turns out it's rockabilly-ish guitar chug-a-lug, on the retro-modern tip. Not what I expected from a dude who looks like he could step into the Vampire Weekend lineup without anyone noticing.
Here's "I Love to Ride." Hot licks!
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
yayking - A sweet way to describe vomiting because you like something so much.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I went to see the reunited Stryper in concert last night and it was so sweet."
"Dude, did they play 'Soldiers Under Command'?"
"Dude, they did. And when they went directly into 'To Hell with the Devil,' I commenced to yayking all over myself"
"Dude, sweet yayk sesh."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things I Saw at Portland Wrestling Uncut Tonight:
10. 400 grizzled white people packed into an Elks lodge in Milwaukie on a Tuesday night
09. "The Franchise" Shane Douglas shaking hands and taking pictures with fans before the event started, and then coming out for his match and telling everyone that they "suck"
08. A dude so obese that he had to have his own area on the stage with the announcer
07. A kid get hit the eye with soda from an errant Franchise prop and start bawling until the staff came over and treated him like the little wussy boy that he was
06. A little kid next to me having the best time of his life. Seriously, it was awesome
05. A drunk old dude with a pencil 'stache and a tracksuit yelling "Tough Tony!" at least 60 times during Matt Borne's match
04. A dude with a full-on replica belt draped over his cheeseburger-riddled body for the duration of the show
03. The crowd booing and a dude yelling "fuck that" when told that it was a family event and that we should not use foul language
02. A kid who went up to one of the wrestlers, who was signing autographs, and asking him if he could get a different wrestler from backstage because he likes him more
01. Not a ton of teeth
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