Gome of the Week
I saw this article in No Shit magazine and I think it makes sense!













This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Pacific Northwest Bands - Looks like the site's from 1997, but there's some fun local (to me) stuff here.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
L.A. Bounty (1989)

It had been at least a month since I watched Wings Hauser aggressively gnaw at the scenery in a late-80's, low-budget, Los Angeles action/thriller, so I was definitely due for some huge-toothed time with the man rocking the biggest skull in the world.

As far as those kinds of flicks go, this one was pretty standard: Hauser plays Cavanaugh, a dude who paints naked chicks, cackles maniacally, and ices dudes if they dare to look at him crossways.

His latest gig involves kidnapping a chump who's running for senate (or congress, or state treasurer or some shit), which he has his goons handle. Seems like it's all going according to plan, until a blonde temptress named Ruger shows up with a machine gun and starts exploding the faces off the grunts.

Turns out that she's an ex-cop, and Cavanaugh killed the shit out of her partner years before. So, that's part of her motivation, but the other part is money, because she's a stone-cold bounty hunter. She speaks only a few sentences during the entire movie, instead letting her weird gun speak for her, in the form of liberating henchmen from their limbs.

I know the name Sybill Danning, but I honestly don't know much about her. I gotta say, though: she was ridiculously hilarious and awesome as a killing machine in this movie. She drives a beat-to-shit pickup truck, throws grenades, and at one point offs a guy by dumping a TV into the the hot tub he's soaking in. Pretty sweet.

And, the crazier the character Wings Hauser plays, the better a movie is. He's off his rocker in this one, and really gives it his all. I was not disappointed.

However, I am disappointed that I cannot find a trailer or any video for this thing. And for that I apologize.



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Sequel - Sequel (1982)

I bought this LP a few months ago, based on the sweet cover art and the fact that it's a thirty-year-old independent release from Portland.

Turns out these dudes were popular around here, and their radio-rock is pretty damn good. It's on the lovey-dovey tip ("Just a Summer Romance," "Call Me," "Here I Am [Wishin']"), but that's what PDX needed in the early 80's. Or so I've been told.

Check out "A Fool for You" here, and prepare to be mildly rocked.




This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Susan Pouter - A sweet way to let someone know that they should stop the insanity and quit whining.

Origin - The one and only.

Usage - "Oh, dude. The person I placed a vote for did not win."

"Dude, that's democracy for you."

"Dude, I am not OK with this. Can I cry into your shirt?"

"Dude, you may not. Pull it together, Susan Pouter."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things to Say to the Crowd During Your Concession Speech:

10. "Seriously?"
09. "You guys are dicks, plain and simple."
08. "Stop crying, you spineless pussies."
07. "The only thing that can console me at this point is an Asian prostitute peeing on me. Hook a dude up."
06. "Did you guys forward those emails like I asked? 'Cause I feel like you didn't."
05. "What can I say? You didn't do nearly enough, and my finger will be eternally pointed in your direction."
04. "In hindsight, taking PCP before the debate was a dicey move, and I can now admit that."
03. "Man, I really got stomped, huh? Just leveled. This might hurt my confidence."
02. "Fuck it: Anybody wanna see me hang some brain?"
01. "USA?"

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