Gome of the Week
"Bound" to be a classic!
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Sticks Downey - "976-EVIL" - In before the Halloween buzzer! This is the link to the video. If you just want to listen/download, go here. And share this hot jam with your friends! I need all the help I can get.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
976-EVIL 2: The Astral Factor (1991)
The long-awaited sequel to a movie that not many people saw in the first place. My kind of flick.
Though this movie features Spike, one of the main characters from the original 976-EVIL (even played by the same actor - bonus!), he seems to be the only real connection to the previous entry, and they don't even bother to explain his backstory. Instead, he just rolls into town on his hog, rocking a leather jacket and a spotty wig, and proceeds to pick up ringing phones until bodies start piling up.
But this time it's not his cousin who's doing the killery. Instead, it's the dean of the local community college, who everyone thought was pretty cool until he started choking out coeds in the girls' locker room. What a buzzkill, right?
Anyway, he must be some kind of super-posessed variation, because they lock him up in jail and dude manages to leave his mortal body, drift through the bars, and continue his killing, ghost style.
(Fun fact: the bailiff is played by Nancy "Jo" McKeon's brother Phil, who is listed in the credits as making a "special appearance," though he's in the whole movie and had only been in like three things before this. Special, indeed.)
Spike vows to shut the murder shit down, not only because he's sick of the damn phone ringing wherever he goes, but also because he's got the hots for a local half-shirted hardbody who seems to be the next in line to get ridiculously impaled on something.
At one point he goes to an occult bookstore run by Brigitte Nielsen, who is dressed in a black, lacy, big-shouldered get-up that does everything it can to distract from the fact that it's five years after Rocky IV, her teeth are visibly brown, and she's trading lines with a dude who would never work again after the wrap on this project. It's depressing. But, who am I kidding? I was still kind of into it.
I was pleasantly surprised at the decent level of special effects/stunts/explosions in this movie, and actually described it as "totally sweet" while I was watching it. A worthy sequel to the original, which was equally insane and hilarious.
Here's the trailer. Keep your eyes peeled for the dude who explodes when he gets hit by a semi truck, and also Spike's dope Richard Marx wig.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Pickwick - Sounds to Make You Shiver (1974)
I'm pretty sure I've heard some of these creepy noises on a different Halloween record I have, but I'm too lazy to go figure it out. Meh - maybe all blood-curdling female screams sound the same.
You'd be screaming, too, if you spent "A Night in a Haunted House"! Turns out the house is all creaky and shit. Nobody likes that. Side A is basically 20 minutes of the house making noises while some weirdo guides you around.
Side B contains fright-night classics like "Banging Shutter," "Phantom Piano," and "Hooting Owl."
Check out a clip here, and try not to wet yourself, you wuss.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
I'm strong, like the Hulk - A sweet way to let people know you are strong.
Origin - The Bob Lamonta Story.
Usage - "Oh, dude. Can you give me a hand?"
"Sure, dude. What do you need?"
"Dude, I need you to help me move my stinky couch."
"Dude, you called the right man. I'm strong, like the Hulk."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Methods I Will Be Using to Smash Eggs on Teenage Trick-or-Treaters:
10. Rooftop sniper
09. Drive-by in the dark, rolling in neutral
08. Hastily constructed tennis racket/surgical tubing slingshot
07. Lobbing from the shrubbery, grenade steez
06. Convincing them it's a hacky-sack and then boom: egg foot
05. The ol' egg-in-the-palm cool-guy hi-five
04. Just straight-up, point-blank neck mashing
03. Something to do with dubstep - teenagers are into that shit, right?
02. Dressing as a Jai Alai player - it's the perfect cover
01. Gentle ladling
Cancel One Career