Gome of the Week
I like living in a world where a Dane Cook sitcom gets cancelled before it even airs once.

Sometimes society'll surprise ya!









This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
VHS Wasteland - It appears they've stopped updating this, but it's heavy on the archives.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
976-EVIL (1988)

Go ahead and file this one under Not Really That Rare, but I've watched it twice this week, Halloween is approaching, and I loved the shit out of it, so I'm going to write it up.

(Note: This year's Sticks Downey Halloween song is going to be based on this movie, so that's why I've been watching it so much. Get on board. The whole movie's on YouTube.)

Robert Englund has directed two movies in his career, twenty years apart. This, obviously, was the first, and clearly it was enough of a shitstorm to make him not want to do it again. And that's too bad, because though 976-EVIL must've had a tiny budget, it ends up being a funny, creepy, and bizarrely absurd movie that doesn't feel low-budget or hacky. (That's by 80's horror movie standards, but still.)

Like many a good fright flick, the story is light on exposition, stars a rebel cool guy, and features toplessness and bullies getting their comeuppance via removal of their vital organs. Oh, and Satan.

And, the star (Stephen Geoffreys, who plays Hoax, the demon on the cover) went on to do gay porn after this. Nothing like checking a dude's IMDb credits and seeing that his turns in this movie and Fright Night led to high-profile roles in films like Butt Blazer and Latin Crotch Rockets. Though I my favorite might be Mechanics Bi Day, Lube Job Bi Night. I think that one might be about cars.

Annnnywho. This movie also features an aging Sandy Dennis, who is flat-out awesome and creepy as Hoax's religious, crazy-cat-lady mother. She tries to keep control over Spike, Hoax's troublemaking cousin, but the dude's too busy smoking cigs, gambling, and chasing tail to slow down for Jesus. Instead he calls a phone number to get his "horrorscope" but it turns out to be the devil. Spike's also too fast for Lucifer, but Hoax is just malleable enough to let the horned one inhabit his body so he can start offing high-school hoods who like to give nerds swirlies. Then the earth opens up and you can see hell. It's pretty sweet. But I won't spoil the ending.

I will say, though, that there is also a sequel, and I just may have to give that a watch as well. 'Tis the season.

Here's the trailer. You'll never look at your rotary phone the same way again!



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Stevens & Grdnic - Retail Comedy at Wholesale Prices (1982)

I'm not sure if you can see it or not, but Joy Grdnic has a box of "Sugar Ludes" on her lap there. Well sir, that was enough to get me to shell out a buck for this LP.

This thing is very L.A., very early-80's, and very radio-morning-show, but it's also really well produced and pretty funny, especially considering that a lot of the references are lost on me.

I guess the hit from it was "Fast Food," which you can watch a claymation version of here.





This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Harry Paratestes - A sweet fake name to use.

Origin - It's olllllld, but new to me and I think it's hilarious.

Usage - "Oh, dude. Where have you been?"

"Dude, I was at Starbucks getting a baller-ass frapp."

"Dude, did you give them a fake name again?"

"Dude, say hello to Harry Paratestes. The rest of the coffee shop sure did."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things Idiots Called Obama During the Debate:

10. Communist
09. Socialist
08. Botanist
07. Lyricist
06. Nudist
05. Poltergeist
04. Quarterfinalist
03. John Entwhistle
02. Racialist
01. Neuroendocrinologist

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