09.05.12

Gome of the Week
It's just an election, Chuck.

No need to wig out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
NVDRS_tape - I would purchase the shit out of one of these. If only that were possible.

 

This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Jocks (1986)

Not sure how they got Dan Cortese and Helen Slater to pose for the cover of this thing, but hey: I'm at least glad they obscured Dan's X-treme boner.

I'm also not exactly sure what I thought this movie was going to be about (I had gotten as far as "sports"), but it definitely wasn't a rag-tag group of guys attempting to save their coach's job (and their pride, of course) by playing tennis.

Yes, everyone remembers the excitement swirling around their college tennis team. Big time stuff. But you've never seen a team like this! Can this group of poon-hungry 80's-movie stereotypes pull off a championship at the big tournament in Las Vegas, or will their rich-kid rivals scheme their way into a trophy, and possibly a young Mariska Hargitay's pants? Only terrible jokes and bigoted stereotypes will tell.

The team consists of the cool-guy jock, the nerd, the crazy lunatic, the soul brother, the Mexican, and the Texan. The only thing missing was the fat guy. Also, they are coached by Shaft.

Christopher Lee plays the crotchety old dean, a guy who knows nothing about partying. I mean, who put the stick up this guy's ass? He threatens the toupee-wearing athletic director, who threatens Richard Roundtree, who tells his tennis team that they better stop acting like a bunch of gash hounds and play some tennis, which they are allowed to do in their street clothes, apparently. Also, most of them seem to be in their early 30's.

So, basically, it was a classic 80's romp, complete with strip poker, the nerd getting drunk for the first time, a tranny that the dipshit athletic director doesn't realize is a tranny until he grabs his nuts, and unabashed use of the word "faggot." Oh, I should have seen this when I was 12. But I'm not going to sit here and act like I didn't enjoy it. Because I did. Those rich kids really had it coming, and they're not so smug now, are they?

Here's the trailer. If anyone wants to meet up for tennis and half-shirts this weekend, hit me up.

 

This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Tommy Collins - Callin' (1972)

There is a song on this album called "Hot Rod Guitar" and it really seems to me that that would have made a much better title. But hey: that's why I'm no longer head of Artist Development for Arista Records. I'll see you in hell, Clive Davis.

From what I understand, Collins was more of a songwriter than a performer, but this is actually some fun country/rock music, and even includes Collins' take on "Okie from Muskogee," which makes him the six billionth person to cover that song, and it must have been quite an honor.

The lead track on this LP is called "You Gotta Have a License," which also would have been a better title. Or maybe they should have just given him a telephone to hold in his right hand. Yep, I've got all kinds of stupid ideas.

 

 

This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
hot garbage - A sweet way to describe something that is one notch worse than normal garbage.

Origin - Heated refuse.

Usage - "Oh, dude. Remember when you listened to Dishwalla all the time?"

"Dude, those were trying times for everyone."

"Dude, that band was hot garbage."

"Dude, and I got burned."

 

This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things I Did While My Computer Was Being Repaired Last Week:

10. Spent 10 excrutiating minutes talking to my wife
09. Picked up a "book." Am I pronouncing that right?
08. Tried to install Photoshop on my phone and then it melted
07. Jacked it to a copy of Good Housekeeping from 1979
06. Found out we have a "dining room"
05. Yelled tweets out an open window
04. Slept a lot, hoping that when I awoke the nightmare would be over
03. Stared at the empty space on my desk and cried to a mixtape of jaded John Waite ballads
02. Watched the movie D.A.R.Y.L. and wished that I was a kid who had a computer in him because then I would never be lonely again
01. Dicked around on my iPad, mostly

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