07.11.12
Gome of the Week
The Happy Days cast members who aren't Richie or The Fonz settled their $10 million lawsuit with CBS this week.
Now Erin Moran can finally afford to get that double-wide she's had her eye on.
And I can continue to cowardly kick people when they're down.
So we're all winners!
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Things Organized Neatly - I feel so comfortable here.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Baseball's Funniest Bloopers (1991)
Here's a good rule for baseball blooper vids from the late 80's/early 90's: if Roger McDowell doesn't make an appearance within three minutes after the title rolls, get the hell out of there.
Rog showed up before the opening credits in this one, so I knew I was good to go. It also features a photo of notorious cut-up Bert Blyleven doing a headstand on the back of the box, so I knew I was in for some Mickey Hatcher-level gut-busters.
Inevitably, this ended up being mostly clips of grown men rocking rally caps, interspersed with fancily edited snippets of Tommy Lasorda being the most obnoxious, coronary-ready blowhard the MLB has seen, this side of Lou Piniella.
Of course, the best part of these videos is always the collisions montage, where they play an approximation of "Yakety Sax" while 200-lb outfielders barrel full-speed into each other, suffering concussions, splintered ribs, shattered face-bones, and career-ending knee dislocations. It's a hoot!
They also show a guy dropping his baby to catch a foul ball. Not sure why that's funny. Just seems practical to me.
The only thing it was missing was George Brett's story about that time he shit his pants.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
CAC - The Heel Turn (2012)
You've probably already heard me harping on about this, but if you haven't picked it up yet, what's your problem? It's pay-what-you-want, meaning you can have it for free, or you can choose to pay any amount of money that seems fair to you.
I've been updating this website, free of charge, for 455 weeks now. I figure it's worth about a buck per week. So, I don't think it's out of line to suggest paying $455 for this thing. I'm not going to be a dick about it; it's just a suggestion. That works out to about $20 per song, and that seems reasonable.
Go here to buy/listen/share this thing. It's 23 tracks of CAC songs that never got properly released, and we're excited that you can finally enjoy these eight-year-old gems. Most of the people we reference in these songs have died in the meantime, so it's a little grim, but please look past that.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
66ing - A sweet way to describe snuggling.
Origin - Fargo, I think.
Usage - "Oh, dude. That CAC show was the bomb-ass chronic."
"Dude, it was indeed. My lady and I had an incredible time."
"Dude, what did you two do after the show?"
"Well, we were pretty exhausted, so we just went home and did some light 66ing until we fell asleep."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Surprises at Friday's CAC Show:
10. Random guest verse by a stoned, confused Snoop Dogg
09. Evian water in the green room when I specifically requested Perrier = severe beating of a booking agent
08. Knife fights contained to a lean three
07. The "writer from Rolling Stone" who turned out to be nothing more than a homeless guy who sleeps under the stage
06. I only banged nine strippers after the show. When you can't hit double-digits, you know you're getting old
05. Higly publicized meet-and-greet had an estimated turnout of zero
04. It had been years since I performed my pre-show ritual of shooting coke into my dick, but it turns out it's just like riding a bike. A cold, sweaty, erratically violent bike with its seat missing
03. Our decision to wear soccer cleats and issue standing drop-kicks to anyone who made eye contact with us
02. Not nearly as many Kahlúa enemas as there were in the old days
01. The medic we had on standby proved to merely be a precaution
Cancel One Career
