Gome of the Week
Man, this is really going to hurt her credibility.












This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
New Super Mario Bros. U Trailer - Gimme.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Fear (1988)

Yes, the original. Or, one of like 15 movies with the same name. Either way, I have had this movie for at least a year, and I can't believe I waited this long to watch it. I kept looking at it and putting it back on the shelf, because I didn't want to ruin it by actually watching it.

"Frank Stallone is unchained" is one of the greatest sentences I've ever read. Just had to get that out of the way.

So much to say about this one. First off, the opening scene features Stallone in prison, walking around and bullying fellow inmates for cigarettes, with the words "WHITE" and "POWER" tattooed on his respective triceps. I mean, come on: that's worth the price of admission right there. But when Scotty Schwartz showed up, I almost lost it.

Schwartz is clearly in the process of being ass-blasted out the bottom of Hollywood (and straight into the lubed-up hands of the Valley) at this point, but he's still young enough to play a precocious teenager, and he really gives it his all in this flick. Like, almost to a depressing degree. It reminded me of Lou Diamond Phillips in that movie I watched a few weeks back. So delusional.

Thankfully, Frank Stallone is in his element with movies like this, and his performance as a greasy, foul-mouthed, racist arsonist is not to be missed. He doesn't exactly star in this thing, and it would have been better if he had, but the time that he spends onscreen before he gets brutally murdered is pure gold. So much threatening. So much bravado. So much chin.

And truth be told, this movie was actually pretty sweet. The story (about a dysfunctional family held hostage by a rag-tag gang of escaped prisoners) moved along nicely, showcased some solid prison (and post-prison) violence, and even incorporated a bunch of hilariously overdone 'Nam flashbacks. The acting was over-the-top (doy), but just enough to make it awesome. I really enjoyed the shit out of this.

I can't find a trailer for this, but here's a prison scene between two dudes who aren't Frank Stallone. Touching stuff.



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Silent Rage - Shattered Hearts (1987)

I had never heard of this group, but after looking around online, it appears that they were one of those mildly successful hair-metal bands that accrued enough of a following to still be performing today, because that is indeed what they are doing.

Those are my favorite kind of late-80's hair-metal bands, because being on the verge of fame is always more interesting than being famous. From an outsider's perspective, anyway. Look at those dudes: don't they look hungry?

I was actually disappointed by the lack of full-on ass-rock on this thing. A lot of the songs - and especially the single, "Rebel with a Cause" - sound more like soundtrack fodder for B-movies. But that's OK, too.

OH! The best part: Lead dude Timmy James Reilly is credited with "Lead guitar, lead vocals, cool riffs & hot licks." Dude.





This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
blowin' up like Kurt Bevacqua - A sweet way to describe the popularity of someone/something.

Origin - C-Dog says it in an old CAC song, though I think Biff may have written the line. Also: this.

Usage - "Oh, dude. Did you see MIB III this weekend?"

"Dude, that Josh Brolin is an up-and-comer to watch."

"Yes, dude, he's really on the rise. You're pretty sure he's new to the game, eh?"

"Dude, definitely. And the guy's set to blow up like Kurt Bevacqua!"


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things I Will Say Loudly in the Theater During Prometheus:

10. "Think there's going to be any aliens in this movie?"
09. "Outer space? I prefer Innerspace. That Meg Ryan is a fox!"
08. "Charlize Theron! I'd like to burst her chest, if you know what I mean."
07. "Is this Ridley Scott's first movie? This guy's gonna blow up like Kurt Bevacqua!"
06. "Spoiler alert! I just got wood."
05. "Beam me up, Scotty! Hashtag: LOL."
04. "I think that one guy with the exposed wires jutting out of his neck might be a robot."
03. "If I blog about this, will you fat nerds comment on it?"
02. "Water my ass! Get this guy some Pepto-Bismol!"
01. "Which one's Ripley?"

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