05.23.12
Gome of the Week
If they ever get the Saved By the Bell reunion together, it's going to be awkward.
I heard she was spotted around town with this guy. Is that true?
Dold: you must be hurting right now.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Boxing Lessons with Eric Kelly - Oh, how I laughed at this vid. Hilarious foul language alert.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Extramarital (1998)
Traci Lords and Jeff Fahey in the same movie? I've hit Skinemax gold.
Actually, this was a late-night cable movie minus the gratuitous nudity you might expect, and that was a little confusing. But the story was semi-complicated and not complete ass, so it was a trade-off I begrudgingly made.
Still: it was hilarious to see just how naked Lords was willing to almost get in this thing. Apparently her nipples were to have no screen time, but the director clearly coaxed her into showing everything but, even going as far as to have her clutching her own boobs in one shot and coming oh-so-close to revealing some outer nippage. Seemed like she was trying to maintain credibility through a technicality, and it was funny/frustrating to watch. But if you love sideboob, this is the movie for you.
Fahey played a rich southerner in this movie, and dude was on some "I do dee-clare" shit. It was awesome. He wasn't in this thing a ton, but he was supremely oily when he did find his way into the story.
Speaking of which: as usual, the plot's not worth rehashing. People cheat on each other and it leads to murder, etc. Lords is actually extremely competent as a newspaper reporter, but she's much more believable later in the flick as the scorned lady who can't resist Brian Bloom's icy gaze and sweaty ballbag. It's the role she was born to play, baby!
It had been at least a month since I'd watched Jeff Fahey work his B-movie magic, and I didn't realize just how much I missed him. I now feel calm, in the way only Jeff Fahey doing his best Foghorn Leghorn can calm me.
Watch the NSFW trailer here, and marvel at how slick Fahey's hair is. Just glistening.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Mr. Lee - "I Like Girls" (1990)
I bought this 12" single the other day, because I could not pass up that cover. I love how he's like, "What can I say? I like girls. I'm not going to apologize for it, and I'm not afraid who knows it. It's just who I am. No big deal."
I respect that, Mr. Lee.
Watch the video here. Spoiler alert: there are a lot of girls in it.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
diarrhetes - A sweet way to describe "when you get diarrhea from drinking pepsi and eating skittles all day."
Origin - Fargo, Twitter steez.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I don't feel so good."
"Dude, did you go see The Avengers again?"
"Dude, I saw it four times today, and I was just chugging Pepsi and inhaling Skittles the whole time."
"Dude, I'm no doctor, but I'd say you've got a mean case of diarrhetes."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Ways to Be a Polite Driver:
10. If you see someone ready to collide with a bus, mouth "look out" through your closed car window
09. Honk before you maniacally barrel through a grade-school playground
08. Get one o' them extra-big car trees so people know you don't reek like old soup and failure
07. If you have to run down someone in a crosswalk, try not to make it anyone in a stroller
06. Hold your cell phone away from your face while talking and driving. This is somehow way safer than having it pressed to your fat, misshapen skull, you buck-toothed ultra-dode
05. Only get "Pussy Inspector" airbrushed on the side of your Monte Carlo if you can back that shit up with some credentials
04. Get a bumper sticker that features Calvin peeing on a group of people who don't respect the rules of the road
03. Turn down your Anal Cunt CD at the scene of an accident
02. Always wear your seatbelt, or at least claim to if the cops get involved
01. Stop referring to yield signs as "a chance I'm willing to take"
Cancel One Career
