Gome of the Week
You're better than this, Goodies.
Or at least you used to be.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
8-bitscapes - I want to live here.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Enemy (2001)
You can only imagine that Luke Perry and Roger Moore had been looking for a project to do together for years, and apparently it took a generous grant from the Canadian Arts Council (or whoever's responsible for making filming in Canada so cheap - god bless 'em) to make it happen.
I love Luke Perry, and I'm not being snarky when I say that. The dude does not phone it in in movies like this, and even though he's not exactly being handed gold to work with script-wise, he goes for it. Same with Olivia D'Abo, but she can always get away with slack-acting because she's crazy hot.
A decade previous to this, these two were prime-time network television stars. By the 2000's, they were filming straight-to-video movies in Quebec about WMDs (probably wrapped pre-9/11, too - how prescient) and playing a machine-gun-toting CIA operative (D'Abo, who looked hilarious blazing off rounds at henchmen) and a PhD-level scientist specializing in DNA-morphing technology (Perry, in the role he was born to play, baby!).
This thing starts off with Perry dicking around with some specimens and slides in his home lab, and quickly escalates into some we-need-to-save-the-world shit. His dad is also a scientist - a chemist, if that makes any difference - and he's been living with his son and, unbeknownst to anyone, working on some top-secret stuff in his spare time. Turns out he's created a chemical weapon that could wipe out the world, and he's made the mistake of getting mixed up with some low-lifes who are looking to use it to their advantage. After he gets kidnapped, it's up to Perry and the rogue CIA agent who he will soon bang to not only find his dad, but produce the antidote.
The complexity of the story here was upper-level as far as straight-to-video stuff goes, and there were enough ridiculous car chases to keep me interested. Roger Moore plays a fellow CIA agent to D'Abo's less-experienced field officer, and even though he was mad old by this point, his hairpiece was passable and his skin was the color of buttered toast. So, you know, he's still got it.
Watch most of the trailer here. Perry's goatee will mesmerize you.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
V/A - All Ears: 10 New and Original Song Hits with a CB Theme (1977)
I was born a little too late to experience the mid-70's CB craze for myself, but thanks to this exclusive-to-Radio-Shack LP, I can relive all those memories I would have made had I been into CB radios, which I wouldn't have been, becuase that shit is pointless.
Some of the hot cuts featured here: "Hey Shirley (This is Squirrely)," "Everybody's Somebody (In Our CB World)," and my personal favorite, "Hey Good Buddy (Where's My Baby)." That one's a little accusatory, but that's just part of the CB code!
So stop being a ratchet jaw. Smokey's a few miles ahead in his Tijuana taxi taking pictures, and you don't want to get pinched by the county mounty. Keep your shiny side up and your dirty side down, get your ears on, push the hammer down, and I'll meet you at the next chicken coop.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
a chill of bros/a rage of bros - A sweet way to describe the size and/or temperment of a group of bros. A chill of bros describes a small, calm gang of bros. A rage of bros is a large, "aggro" gang of bros and should not be approached.
Origin - Brotown.
Usage - "Oh, dude. Be careful. A chill of bros is approaching at 3 o'clock."
"Dude, I fear no chill of bros."
"Dude, some of them were yelling something about Jäger bombs. This is a rage of bros waiting to happen."
"Dude, let's not rile these bros. Once they turn their hats around it's all over."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs I Have Beaten You at Dodgeball:
10. You are trying to come up with a best-guess answer to the question, "Exactly how many of your own teeth did you eat?
09. You are Googling "radical testicular reconstructive surgery"
08. You are crying; I am laughing, pointing, teasing, and being generally unrelenting about all of it
07. You are saying, "My, this is a comfortable gurney"
06. I tell you that yes, you can touch my rocket arm, but I reccommend you wear oven mitts when doing so
05. You no longer have what doctors call "a face"
04. I send you a text that says "WAS RAD 2 BEAT U @ DOGDEBALL 2NITE LOL"
03. Your kneecaps are in pieces and are floating around inside your trembly legs
02. I'm wearing a crown and shouting shit like "King me, dildoes!"
01. You vow to always wear adult diapers under your jockstrap from here on out
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