03.14.12
Gome of the Week
When searching for this image, Google suggestions included "taco bell dorito taco release date," "taco bell dorito taco review," and "taco bell dorito taco test market."
You've done it again, society.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Death Star Art Show - Some bizarre Star Wars art. In a good way.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Deadly Surveillance (1991)
I hadn't watched a Michael Ironside flick in at least a month, so I figured I'd make up for it with a movie he full-on stars in. I expected a cookie-cutter, straight-to-Cinemax, light-nudity 90-minuter, and that's exactly what I got. Ironside, you reliable sonofabitch.
This is one of those movies where a super-hot chick is banging a dude who under normal cirumstances she would never speak to, so of course she's setting him up for something, but the dude is so blinded by early-90's white frilly garter belts that he won't listen to reason. In this case the dude's a cop, and the chick is mixed up with some insane heroin kingpin. It's a recipe for pistol-wielding standoffs, and this movie's got pleny of 'em.
Ironside plays a fellow cop who used to bang dude's wife. So, they don't care for each other, but they've got to work together to bust this awkwardly stereotypical drug lord (South American, oily, penchant for expensive beige double-breasted suits) before he beats his girlfriend - who is also the cop's girlfriend, even though he starts needling her for information as part of his coply duties - to death for being lippy.
Of course, she's the real psycho out of all these yambags, and that becomes clearer and clearer as the movie goes on. She also gets skankier and skankier, offering to take her top off for pretty much anyone who might be onto her thirst for murder. Ironside does his best John McClane, chain-smoking and routinely drinking until he loses consciousness, yet he's the only one who cannot be seduced by this high-banged trollop. He's just that smooth.
I was hoping he'd ham it up a bit more, but he plays it pretty straight. Still, it's always good to see the guy give his all in a movie that never had a chance of reaching theaters. Few are better at that than ol' Ironside.
Here's the trailer. Bra and panty alert! Also note how they refer to Ironside as "Star of Total Recall."
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Liquid Heat - Liquid Heat (1986)
I'm starting to wonder if this is one of those promos that never actually came out. You can see the gold stamp up there on the image, and mine (this isn't a picture of my actual record) has it, too. Dreams may have been crushed with this one.
This is on Atlantic, but I'm having some trouble finding any reliable info about this duo. Which is a bummer, because I wanted to see those headbanded poofs in action while they sang "I'm So Hot."
They're really working the temperature angle.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
coach calves - A sweet way to describe an older gentlemen who is ostenisbly in decent shape, but has ripped, bulging calf muscles.
Origin - PE teachers, Spudley.
Usage - "Oh, dude. Your dad's shorts are looking a little short."
"Dude, he's hoping everyone takes a good look at his coach calves. They're his pride and joy."
"Dude, that is sad and weird."
"Dude, is it? He could lodge your neck in the crook of his leg and kill you. Nothing sad about that."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things I've Said About the Weather to Co-Workers Recently During Awkward Conversations:
10. "Some weather, huh?"
09. "Is it spring, is it winter - I mean what is the deal?"
08. "It was snowing when I cried myself to sleep last night. Was it snowing when you cried yourself to sleep?"
07. "It sure is rainy. I'm going to go over here now."
06.
"Man, If I had known it was going to be so unseasonably warm, I would have worn those shorts that my penis head pokes out of."
05. "It's mad warm. You bitches should be rockin' tube tops, or at least a ribbed tank."
04. "This cold weather is making it even more unbearable to speak with you."
03. "Dude, if you're going to take your shirt off, peel it away sensually so I can enjoy myself."
02. "Anybody got some suntan lotion for this guy's big fat mouth that won't stop moving?"
01. "I think you gals would agree that this is most notably dick-shriveling winter in recent memory."
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