Gome of the Week
Michael Cera and the girl from tUnE-yArDs seem to be having a moustache-off.

Best of luck to both competitors!





This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The 1970's Van Customization Craze - What a time to be alive.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Bedroom Eyes II (1990)

Six years after the critically ignored original and starring none of the original cast, this straight-to-Skinemax gem stars Wings Hauser (shocking, I know) in one of his eight IMDb-listed credits from that year. Wings is a busy man, but he always has time to put on a cheap suit and trade barbs with Linda Blair and her extremely flattering body double so he can make a payment on that speedboat he never should have bought.

I never saw the original Bedroom Eyes, so I'm going to use that as an excuse for why I couldn't really keep track of what was happening in this movie, but it also may have been because I was crippled by boredom and resorted to scratching my dog's belly for a good portion of this flick's 85 minutes.

If we know anything, we know this: Wings Hauser has an abnormally huge skull, and it's distracting when you're trying to watch him in a movie because you just keep wondering how he's holding that damn thing up. I guess his neck is pretty massive, too.

In this movie he plays a crooked-ish stocks dude who bangs any and all chicks, but then gets pissed (and possibly a little excited) when he catches his wife getting some peen thrown her way by some other dude. There's still residual pain from some girl who died in the first movie, and that's the basis for what goes down in this one. Hauser's wife is an art dealer, and he meets Linda "Bring in the Stunt Nude" Blair's character, who is an artist that he has sex with, but later finds out is the sister of the girl who died in the first movie, and she thinks he killed her. Or something like that.

Jane "Call Me 'Veronica Hart' When I've Got a Mouth Full of Ron Jeremy" Hamilton is also in this movie, as a crazy lady who likes to weild knives while being naked under a trenchcoat. Kathy Shower gets top billing along with Hauser and Blair, but I still have no idea who she is.

I will say this for this flick: it wasn't your normal late-night pay-cable movie. A little bit more artsy and a lot more taking itself too seriously. But I do enjoy me some Wings Hauser and that huge noggin of his.

Check out the trailer here. It taught me that Kathy Shower was a Playboy playmate. Well alright!



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
David Ingles - Satan Has Been Paralyzed (1977)

I was down in the L.A. area last week for work, and as you probably know, I use any opportunity I can to hit Amoeba records in Hollywood. I picked up this slab of awesomeness for three bucks, and it was more than worth it.

I mean, look at that cover. This isn't a picture of my copy; mine's in much better shape. The title track is really the winner here, as you might expect, but it became even more victorious when I found this video for it, which will haunt your dreams. It features a drawing of Satan in a wheelchair and puppets performing the song on a pirate ship.

It's amazing.



This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
pooping the glove - A sweet way to describe the move an athlete makes that spells the end of his career.

Origin - Sklar Brothers, the dude who pooped in the other dude's hockey glove.

Usage - "Oh, dude. This football game is really boring."

"Dude! Did you just see that guy rip that dude's helmet off and step on his neck with his cleats?"

"Dude, I stand corrected. This game just got great."

"Dude, anytime you see someone poop the glove, it's always a good day."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things I Saw (Really) During My Trip To California:

10. An old dude in a leather jacket yelling at a clerk in Amoeba Records about how "annoying" the thrash metal he was playing over the store speakers was. Guess that jacket's not keeping you young and cool, you dried-up bag of bones
09. Buzzard riding a bike with a parrot on the handlebars
08. Dudes getting arrested on adjacent sides of Sunset Blvd
07. Two bros with neck tattoos submitting their ska-punk CD for consignment at a record store in Huntington Beach at 10PM on a Saturday while explaining why they were both covered in abrasions
06. Clerk at Amoeba, with the most well-played straight face I've ever seen, to the old dude in the leather jacket who was yelling: "Sir, I appreciate your feedback." What a sweet move
05. Great White's girlfriends. They were a pleather bunch
04. A TSA agent's gloved hand on my crotch because I forgot to take three gum wrappers out of my pockets
03. The kid in front of me on the flight down there asking me if Los Angeles was in California
02. Multiple dodestains smoking those electronic cigarettes like only ultimate coolguys do
01. Ricki Rockett and his unnecessary handlers


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