Gome of the Week
"Hello, whore."

Yikes. This season of Dexter is rough.








This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Billy Idol - "Start it Up" - Billy getting his rap on for Ikea. Awesome.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
To All A Goodnight (1980)

Before Silent Night, Deadly Night, there was the original 80's Santa-with-an-ax, and he was stalking prey at the Calvin Finishing School for Girls, where all the young vixens have gone home for Christmas break, save a few hot-and-horny coeds who are using the time-off to stay on campus and bang dudes, take showers, and eventually watch their own entrails spill into a pile on the floor.

I'm no connoisseur of 80's slasher movies, but I've seen my fair share at this point, and though this one was a bit slow in parts (in that we're-having-trouble-making-it-to-90-minutes sort of way), it was pretty sweet: Incredibly low-budget, a bunch of actors who would literally go on to do nothing else, and a story that, even within the highly belief-suspended confines of the genre, made little sense and was completely implausible.

This flick's also notable for being the feature-film debut of Jennifer "Gwendolyn Pierce" Runyon, and she ends up being the default star of this thing by surviving the longest. After this gem she was on the fast-track to stardom, via a quick detour on the Baio Expressway.

As I said, the story here makes little to no sense, but the basic gist is this: a few years before the movie takes place, a girl dies in the same sorority house as a result of a freak initiation (or hazing?) accident. Fast-forward to the present, and someone dressed as Santa is exacting revenge. People make out, get gutted, their friends don't find it odd that they're missing, and the cycle continues. The killing scenes were pretty solid, with a hilarious noggin-to-floor thudding decapitation, and a dude taking a crossbow arrow through the back of his skull and out through his mouth while he's banging one of the girls. Good stuff.

I can't find a trailer, but it looks like somebody has uploaded the whole darn thing to YouTube.




This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Pickwick Records - Fun Sounds of Christmas (1974)

I had to turn this record off because it was driving my dog crazy.

It's hosted by an elf who takes you around the streets during Christmastime, and then eventually you end up in Santa's workshop where apparently they just stomp on squeaky toys repeadtedly. My dog was not stoked.

But the rest of the LP ain't bad. There's a sweet synth version of "Tijuana Christmas," and a trippy, hazy take on "Auld Lang Syne" that wraps up (!) the whole thing. And you probably can't read the signature, but the cover art was done by a chap named George Peed. Nice to see that he got through what must have been a harrowing childhood and was able to create such lovely drawings.



This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
You smoke enough sherm, your dumb ass'll do a lot of things - A sweet way to justify idiocy.

Origin - True Romance, angel dust.

Usage - "Oh, dude. I just went to see Jack and Jill for the fifth time."

"Dude, you have some serious problems and I'm legitimately concerned about you."

"Dude, you smoke enough sherm, your dumbass'll do a lot of things. You'll be up in the theater watchingBucky Larson four times in one day!"

"Dude, I'm going to get you the number of a trusted counselor. Someone who specializes in Happy Madison addiction."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Signs Your Presidential Campaign is Derailing:

10. Your last rally was attended only by people who felt bad and didn't want you to be uncomfortable giving a speech to an empty Circle K parking lot
09. You're banging hookers in your driveway, on the hood of your wife's car, and even she's not paying attention
08. Every night you sleep on a pile of undistributed t-shirts while using a stack of unwanted bumper stickers for a pillow
07. People keep asking you if you're "filming one o' them Punk'd shows"
06. Your cross-country bus tour became noteworthy only when it was revealed that you were using it to perform mobile hobo funerals
05. Rarely hear your name mentioned without it being preceded by the phrase "grossly unpopular"
04. You get into arguments with cashiers just so you can scream, "That counts as a debate!"
03. All your suits are from Sears and have nervous pee stains in them
02. You haven't slept in 14 minutes
01. Your current motto: "Yes I Shouldn't"


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