Gome of the Week
I mean, sure, I can see Cage pulling off Ice-T's King James, but will Kidman breathe the same life into Savon as Cube did?
They better do the gang-banger execution scene justice.
Don't tarnish a classic!
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
24 Visually Stunning Stanley Kubrick Cinemagraphs - Indeed.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Sometimes you have to get out of your 80's comfort zone and dig into something a little more modern. And if it stars a thick-era Molly Ringwald, all the better.
Poor Ringwald had been shit out the bottom of Hollywood at this point, and found herself taking top billing in an Australian horror flick, carrying a cast of nobodies. Kylie Minogue is in the first three minutes of this thing, but she's quickly iced. Then it's up to Molly to act enthused about earning what had to have been a severely modest paycheck. The poor gal.
This is one of those New Nightmare-esque horror-movie-about-people-making-a-horror-movie-type situations, and though it's a story that's been told plenty, these Aussies somehow found a way to shittily tell it one more time.
As a young actress in 1988, Vanessa (Ringwald) starred in a horror movie called Hot Blooded that was never finished because the director got gutted by the guy playing the killer. Ever since then, anyone who watches the movie ends up with their neck slit. 12 years after Hot Blooded got shelved, a ragtag group of film students decide to complete the movie, and they convince Vanessa to reprise her role (or some variation on it), even though she was the one who killed the murderous actor the first time around and has been haunted by it ever since.
They return to the original shooting location, and members of the crew start getting decapitated almost immediately by a guy in a mask just like the guy in the mask that's in the movie. So everybody thinks it's the actor playing the killer. It turns out it's not, but that makes a pretty sweet way for the dude to cozy up to the crew and then remove their heads with a pair of modified pruning shears.
They frame this thing like it's somebody within their group behind the mask, but when you find out that the killer is nothing more than a manifestation of the creative energy that was put into the first film (seriously - that's what they went with) and that all they need to do to kill him is burn the original print of the film - which they have with them - you really start to feel like a real sucker for sitting through it.
Then you hope that maybe Ringwald will get her top slashed off or at least do a gratuitous shower scene, and when that doesn't happen, you really want the last 82 minutes of your life back.
Crikey! Here's the trailer.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Van McCoy - The Disco Kid (1975)
McCoy must have known that his massive success with "The Hustle" was going to be short-lived, because the dude released no fewer than three albums in 1975, the same year he dropped the now-legendary single.
This was the one that immediately followed Disco Baby, the LP with "The Hustle" on it, and dude isn't afraid to go back to the well. "Keep On Hustlin" picks up right where the original left off, and I'm sure it was equally well-received. Right?
This would be followed by From Disco to Love, completing his legendary Disco Trilogy. Oh, the things cocaine could get people to accomplish.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
significant advances in the field of choad buffery - A sweet way to describe someone who has taken being terrible at something to a whole new level.
Origin - The great choad buffers of our time.
Usage - "Oh, dude. This new Coldplay record is shaping up to be a game changer."
"Dude, no doubt. They've really upped the ante with this one."
"Dude, I believe I'd dare say they've made significant advances in the field of choad buffery."
"Dude, I wholeheartedly concur."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things The "Occupy" People Picture the "Wall Street" People Doing:
10. Studying American Psycho for hot tips on how to be a bigger asshole, and possilby on how to murder a bum's dog
09. Having money fights
08. Looking down from their corporate fat-cat office suites and laughing maniacally for hours on end
07. Using one of those dollar-sign bags as a pillow for their afternoon nap that they need from being so deliciously oppressive
06. Smoking cigars rolled with authenticated Honus Wagner T206 cards
05. Masturbating to their most recent bank statement
04. Enjoying coffee made fresh with the tears of poor people
03. Rocking out to Coldplay's recent significant advances in the field of choad buffery
02. Not digging a hole behind the Payless Shoe Source to take a dump in
01. Snacking on chocolate-covered hundreds
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