Gome of the Week
Dexter and The Simpsons are both in danger of ending because of financial disputes.
In brighter news, the NBA season is in danger of ending because of financial disputes.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Title Scream - 16-bit title screen awesomeness.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Bloody Wednesday (1985)
This video must have sat in a window for years, because the color has been completely drained from the cover. But I strive to show you the exact copy that I watched (for no good reason), so here it is. I guess it looked more like this before it was subjected to the elements.
Figured I'd stick with the horror-y theme that I'm planning on riding out through Halloween, and this flick was alphabetically the next unwatched scary-looking movie in my collection (after Basket Case from last week). Plus, it features the Prism stamp of quality, so the decision was basically made for me.
I watch a lot of confusing movies for this site, but they're usually rendered incomprehensible by shitty writing or hasty editing. This movie was intentionally trying to be confusing, and it was like watching a 90-minute cheesy-beef-burrito-induced dream that wrapped up with a dude icing a restaurant full of innocent people with an Uzi.
The movie tells the story of what leads the guy to commit this massacre, but instead of showing a realistic view of his increasingly errant behavior, you basically get to ride along with him as he goes completely fucking insane. You can't tell what's real and what's not, he's constantly halucinating, and people come and go and act wildly different in each scene they're in. Once I realized there was no point in trying to figure any of this out, I just kicked back and listened to some of the craziest dialogue I've ever heard, coupled with nonsensical scenes that would just cut away, never to be explained.
It ended up feeling like a low-rent David Lynch film, and I mean that as a compliment. Strangely, it's the only film the director ever made. He was probably pissed because they tried to frame it as some brutal killing spree movie, when really, there's only one particularly violent scene, and it's the last one, where he pumps rounds into coffee shop patrons for like six minutes straight. I guess it's a little scary in parts, but it's in that Jacob's Ladder what-hell-is-going-on-here sort of way. The dude opens a suitcase full of cobras at one point. That kind of stuff.
Of course I can't find the trailer, but this exchange should give you an idea of what I went through.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Ian Whitcomb - Ian Whitcomb's Mod, Mod Music Hall! (1966)
Ah, the days when teen dreams belted out ragtime classics and all the ladies swooned.
Whitcomb's an entertainer, and he gives these pub sing-alongs his all, though I'm betting he'd never been drunk at this point, so his renditions of songs like "Saucy Seaside Sue" and "Where Did Robinson Crusoe Go With Friday on Saturday NIght" aren't as authentically ale-soaked as he'd like us to believe.
But when he barrels through "Your Baby Has Gone Down the Plug-Hole," he seems to be a man who knows a lot about the plug-hole of which he yelps.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
fathlete - A sweet way to classify fat athletes.
Origin - The vast expanses of Sklarbro Country.
Usage - "Oh, dude. That Rick Reuschel was one beefy right-hander."
"Dude, I heard his dad is Willard Scott. Do you think that's true?"
"Dude, I don't know. But I do know one thing: he was an amazing fathlete."
"Dude, a real gem in the field of fathleticism."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs Your Wrestling Gimmick Isn't Going to Work Out:
10. It's loosely based on an obscure Dickens character
09. Promoter has asked you if you can "appear more rapey"
08. You've been given a doberman to take to the ring and they've just fitted you with a raw meat mask
07. The fans don't seem to like your continued promos where you insult your opponent and then end things with your trademark holocaust denial
06. Your entire approach involves promoting gay marriage via catchy slogans shaved in your back hair
05. Your secret weapon: a copy of Dianetics that you've stashed under the ring
04. Your character is a guy with a severe head cold who can't find a store that sells Theraflu
03. You wear jeans to the ring. You wrestle in jeans.
02. You're always on the verge of diabetic shock and keep running to your corner to suck on Jolly Ranchers
01. You've been dubbed Shockmaster: The Second Stumbling
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