Gome of the Week
I'm married without children and this show is just like my life.
Except not nearly as funny.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Frank and Louie - This cat is my hero.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Basket Case (1982)
If your local video store had a "Cult Classics" section, this tape was probably in it. Basket Case is actually a fairly well-known low-budget horror movie, but I'd never seen it, and we're creeping into Halloween territory, so I thought I'd give it a shot.
There's a reason this movie has such a dedicated following: It's ridiculously DIY (and whether it was intentional or not, hilarious as a result), has multiple scenes of extreme blood-spewing, and features special effects that are so hacky that they're an absolute thrill to watch. On top of all that, the plot is just too good to not go all-in on.
Duane was born with a conjoined twin poking out of his side, which caused a birth so difficult that it killed their mother. His father always resented the two of them, and eventually had an unqualified team of doctors separate the two in a risky procedure. Duane and his brother Belial (who isn't much more than a head surrounded by a gelatinous blob of flesh) both survived the operation, and now it's like 20 years later and Duane is carrying Belial around in a basket so they can go find the three doctors who performed their operation and kill the shit out of them.
Duane moves into a seedy hotel, befriends a hooker, starts dating the receptionist of one of the doctors they're planning to kill, and tries to keep his fat-handed little brother in the basket so he doesn't rip people's faces off. He's rarely successful, and Belial spends a good portion of this film's 80 minutes strapped to the faces of folks who dared peek inside his basket home. In his spare time he likes to eat cheeseburgers.
Low-budget horror movies are usually fun, but just because they're done on the cheap doesn't inherently mean that they're going to be a blast to watch. But it's movies like this one that make people think they will be. It's well-written enough to keep the story moving, the acting is really shitty but somehow charming because of its shittiness, and the special effects - oh, the special effects. The lengths they go to to make the Belial puppet look the least bit realistic: it's seriously impressive. And at a few points they do stop-action sequences with him, and they're not the least bit convincing, but they add so much anyway.
Here's the trailer. And it's on Netflix streaming right now, too. You owe it to yourself.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Tino Carrasco- Tino's Melodies in Song (196?)
Pressed on thick, blue-and-black marbled vinyl (seriously - it's a beautiful record), this LP contains songs about Jesus from a former "narcotic criminal" who spent many years in prison because he hated white people and enjoyed beating up cops.
As the insert says, "His hate toward the Anglo-Saxon was great." Also: "He decided to commit suicide. While on his way to do this, an Anglo-Saxon helped Tino find the only way out - Christianity." Fair enough, but now I'm really curious about the "While on his way to do this" part. There's got to be a great story there.
Regardless, the moral of the story is that Tino learned to un-hate Whitey, and he dedicated his life to going to prisons and singing for people, which is very admirable. I can't say the same for his voice. Hiyoooo! I also like how "Norman Peckham" is the director. Is Tino still hanging with dudes who use assumed names?
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
mandals - A sweet way to classify dude sandals.
Origin - Cool dads everywhere.
Usage - "Oh, dude. As fall approaches, I'm wondering if it might be time to retire my mandals for the year."
"Dude, but then you'd have to retire those sweet mismatched white sweat socks you've been wearing with them for the past three months, and no one wants to see those go."
"Dude, I'm no stranger to sarcasm."
"Dude, you are no stranger to a rough combo of footwear."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Reasons R.E.M. Broke Up:
10. Peter Buck wants to spend more time in that baseball band where he writes tender ballads about Lou Brock's lifetime on-base percentage
09. Stipe having trouble finding t-shirts small enough to represent the constricting grip of his exquisite inner pain
08. Mike Mills ready to be known as something other than "that lady who plays bass in R.E.M."
07. Whole band extremely tired, ready to curl up in Bill Berry's eyebrows and just rest for a while
06. "Radio Free Europe" now officially older than anyone who still has a current interest in music
05. Can't find mandolin strings anywhere
04. Finally admitted to themselves that it's been all downhill since Murmur
03. Stipe ready to wow fans with a solo album of hushed, indiscernible mumbling
02. Sick of hearing catcalls of "Play 'Shiny Happy People,' you pussies!"
01. Apple wouldn't give them their own signature iPod, so fuck it
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