Gome of the Week
Apparently they played a Minor Threat song on Entourage the other night. Shockingly, it was all on the level.
Still, I haven't seen a combo that I respectively love and hate like this since Method Man did that song with Limp Bizkit.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Movies as Neon Signs - Some of these are hokey, but the Star Wars ones are pretty sweet.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Body Count (1995)
When I bought this, I half-assumed Biff had already reviewed this years ago, but apparently we've never featured it. So hold onto your automatic weapons, you're in for long-zippered leather skirt of a ride.
I always pictured Stallone, calmly sitting across from Brigitte Nielsen as their divorce proceedings were taking place, watching as his lawyers cut her a check for how ever many millions she got out of that deal, and then turning to her and saying, "Better enjoy this, because your career is over."
She went from Beverly Hills Cop II to Bye Bye Baby in the span of a year, and it's no coincidence that it was right after she and Stallone split. Anyway.
This was years after she'd already been shit out the bottom of Hollywood, and though she still looks really good in this movie, she's starting to fade a bit. Maybe that's why they glued her head on someone else's body for the cover of this thing. Speaking of the cover, you've probably already guessed that those two guys star in this movie, not her, but I'm letting you know anyway.
Robert "The Goon from Goonies" Davi is awesome, but even he can't save this thing. Doesn't help that he's being dragged down by an old-ass Sonny Chiba and the meathead non-actery of Steven "Anyone Wanna Do a Scarface Reunion?" Bauer. There's also the script, direction, and lack of any discernible plot to blame, so maybe I shouldn't point too many fingers.
Nielsen plays Chiba's henchstress Sybil, who can shoot the chains from around his feet from 100 yards away to free him from his prison shackles, but can't manage to hit a human being who's six feet in front of her later in the film. Not that the action scenes were sparkling before that. But I did get a charge out of watching Brigitte chase the "tractor story" girl from Seinfeld around a warehouse.
To top it all off, somebody threw Jan-Michael "I'll Be Crashing On Your Couch Tonight" Vincent a bone and allowed him to get tossed off a building in this movie and, presumably, take advantage of the craft service table available on set. It was the role he was born to play.
Check the trailer here, and watch for Brigitte's witty remark after she shoots a guy in the mouth hole.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Paul Wurzinger - Aus Der Alpenbar (1977)
"After a beautiful day on the ski slopes or mountain trails, or perhaps a tiring day at work or shopping, it is time for relaxation. Many charming musical effects and stereo rhythms make the recording perfect for dancing with your favorite partner, or for a dreamy time in front of a fireplace.
Turn on the music and forget your cares."
Meanwhile, this seems to be a bunch of polka variations on "Edelweiss."
But that cover is mad frame-worthy. Big-ass version here for your enjoyment.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
nontroversy - A sweet way to classify an imaginary issue that no one cares about.
Origin - Dumb people who want to sound important.
Usage - "Oh, dude. Did you hear that Edward Norton will not be playing the Hulk in The Avengers?"
"Dude, Edward Norton played the Hulk in something else?"
"Dude, I'm taking my rage to the message boards! Don't try to stop me."
"Dude, please. I'm going to enjoy watching you ass out over this nontroversy. Let me go grab some snacks."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Phrases In Newspaper Headlines About You That Indicate You Need to Pack Up Your Life and Leave Town:
10. "Gin-Soaked Easter Bunny"
09. "Repeatedly Sniffing"
08. "Naked Tricycle"
07. "Whereabouts of Pants"
06. "Huffing Oven Cleaner"
05. "Bag of Pubic Hair"
04. "Stolen Dentures"
03. "Unorthodox Burrito"
02. "Possibly Covered in Low-Grade Motor Oil"
01. "Vomited Off Stadium Balcony"
Cancel One Career