Gome of the Week
Just tell us who did this to you, Dold.















This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Arrested Development Paper Doll Collection - They really got the details right on these things.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Stitches (1985)

Though I'm surprised I don't end up watching more movies credited to Alan Smithee, it's worth mentioning that this is the second one I've reviewed for the site in the last six months, and I think that's fairly impressive.

You know that episode of The Simpsons where Homer goes back to college and there's jocks, nerds, and a boring old dean who wants to spoil everyone's fun? This is exactly the kind of movie that that classic episode was spoofing. Just wall-to-wall pranks, beers, boobs, and a crotchety dean that wants those crazy no-goodniks expelled!

There's also a (very stereotypical) Chinese exchange student, a wildman who goes by "Barfer," a cross-campus streaking scene, and dudes charging other dudes for a peek at a room full of topless coeds. I was shocked that they didn't have the classic fat-guy character that was in every 80's movie like this, but that seems to be the only thing they missed.

Parker "I Was In My Mid-30's When I Shot This College Romp" Stevenson made, from what I can tell, his only attempt at being a leading man in a movie with this thing, and needless to say, he was back playing a bit part on Murder, She Wrote within the week. He's the lead cool guy in this flick, presiding over a couple of other goofballs who are madcapping their way through medical school (as most future doctors are known to do) with a series of day-drinking-induced pranks that seem more important to the campus than, say, becoming a medical doctor.

Not that I was looking to this flick for a reality-based story of the struggles of med school. I was looking to par-tay! And par-tay I did, once I looked past the racism, sexism, and homophobic undertones of the whole thing. But, hey: it was 1985! We didn't know any better, right? Oh, Barfer, you vomited your way into my heart.

Enjoy the trailer here.



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Mister Black - "Hold Me Tight" (1988)

Other than the fact that the name of this group reminds me of the "Kamp Krusty" episode of The Simpsons (lots of Simpsons references this week...), I was intrigued enough by the cover of this thing to spend a dollar on it this past weekend.

Glad I did, because it is strange, awesome, and foreign as shit. It's a 12" single with a "Full Version," a "Rap-Steiv Version," and an instrumental. Of course, the "Rap-Steiv" cut is the best one, and of course, I can't find any audio for it. It's basically a severely Italian dude rapping over a single mix of this already chaotic Italo Disco (yeah, that's a term) jam, and it is pretty sweet.

Check out the Full Version, and get ready to shake your buttocks.




This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
violently bald - A sweet way to describe someone who is severely bald.

Origin - Odenkirk on Cross.

Usage - "Oh, dude. Did you see that guy that my former 'roke ho was with the other night?"

"Dude, that guy's head steez was wispy at best."

"Dude, there's no need to hold back. I saw my reflection in the dude's skull."

"Dude, you're right. He was indeed violently bald."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things I'll Be Doing With the Extra Hour of Daylight When Daylight Savings Kicks In:

10. Partying. Possibly super partying. Maybe super ultimate partying
09. Blaming my manic shirtlessness on the inability to process the change
08. Breaking out my extensive collection of Sepultura tank tops
07. Catching up with my jailhouse correspondence
06. Stripping down to my jockstrap after work, applying a thin sheen of oil, grabbing a beach towel, and laying spread-eagle on the hood of my Camaro
05. Calling up my disc-throwing bros and throwing the shit out of some disc
04. Using the word "dusky" as much as possible
03. Strolling around my neighborhood wearing only a pair of jean shorts, carrying a four-pack of peach wine coolers, scoping the scene for loose ladies
02. Being annoyed at the sunlight reflection on the TV when I'm gaming my ass off
01. Blasting Italo Disco at full volume


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