Gome of the Week
Cool Cee-Lo: 1995-2010.
Rest in peace, my formerly stallionistic friend.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Gemini Solutions - I can't tell if this is real, and I really don't care. They're taking my senior photo.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
All New Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers (1990)
Seeing an ad for this video was all it would take to send young, sports-obsessed me into a frenzy. Though, if I think about it, I'm probably remembering the original Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers, because when this one came out, I would have been at an age where I would have acted too cool for this. (But would still secretly want to see it.)
So, anyway, yes: this is the sequel to the momentously popular original video, which I believe you got for free if you ordered a subscription to Sports Illustrated. We only did that once when I was a kid, and we got the NFL's Crunch Course video, which was pretty sweet, but I was never a huge football fan. But I loved me some dunks and bloopers, and always coveted tapes like this.
In the days before the internet, your only chance of seeing bloopers rounded up and set to wacky music (as they should be) was either on one of these vids, or on one of Marv Albert's appearances on a talk show. It was a hot commodity.
It shouldn't be shocking to anyone that they used up all their good footage on the first collection, so this one ends up being a bit of a letdown. But if you like watching a fat, gooey Frank Layden waddle around the country asking basketball stars whether they like dunks or bloopers better, then you are in luck. He takes a stroll on the beach with a visibly baked Bill Walton, interrupts Karl Malone while he's out to dinner with like eight chicks (talk about foreshadowing), and stalks the shit out of Mychal Thompson. It's all very stupid.
But there was a Darryl Dawkins segment, so I was left satisfied. Watch it all here.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Doucette - The Douce is Loose (1979)
Like I'm not going to buy an album with that title. You can get a closer look at the cover here, and if you're into dudes supremely rocking in front of Marshall stacks, you're in for a treat.
And while I would love to make a lot more fun of this, I've got to say: I've listened to it a few times and it's actually pretty good. "Nobody" is a tight track, but "Run Buddy Run" is clearly the jam. Seriously.
I'm not a late-70's-AOR kind of guy, but take me back 35 years, roll me a j, and I'd be air-guitaring the shit out of this thing.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Oscar Gamble - A sweet way to describe a bet made on the outcome of the Academy Awards, while also sub-referencing the popular utility player from the 70's.
Origin - Gamblor.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I've got 20 bucks that says that little girl from True Grit wins Best Actress."
"Dude, that's a gamble."
"Dude, that's an Oscar Gamble"
"Dude, that bet has a huge 'fro and played for the Yankees, Padres, Phillies and a bunch of other teams, and hit for considerable power."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs Your House Needs A Spring Cleaning:
10. Garden hose hooked to the sink has sprung a leak and now you can't hose out the hallway anymore
09. What were once "dust bunnies" are now "rat beds"
08. You keep saying things like, "The heater vents are clogged with cheap cheese."
07. Caught your son jerking it to a pamphlet for one of those fancy Dyson vacuums
06. You watch Hoarders and go "Have it, have it, need it, have it, need it..."
05. "Pizza box" and "pillow" have long since become interchangeable terms to you
04. Kids are embarrassed to have their friends over because entering the house through a skylight and landing on a pile of newspapers from the 60's just isn't cool these days
03. Dirt clod fights are common in the living room
02. Your chimney has a wet, hacking cough
01. Accurately reenacting the trash compactor scene from Star Wars shouldn't be that easy
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