Gome of the Week
The Cars are back!

Try not to wig out, guys.










This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Dispatchwork - Click around and marvel at this Lego reconstruction weirdness.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Freestylin' U.S.A. (1988)

Man, I would have loved to have had this when it came out. It's just full-on BMX porn: wall-to-wall footage of dudes on ramps or flatland, doing the shit out of some sweet tricks.

I'm pissed I can't find any footage of this online (and actually a little surprised), because trying to explain some of its finer points just won't do the actual flick any justice. But I do want to point out a few things.

First off, that "drama" sticker on the front of the box. I mean, I can understand if your video store doesn't have a "sports" section, but this one doesn't even warrant inclusion in the "action" genre? Tough call to make. Also: the back of the box says this vid is 48 minutes long. The tape's got it listed at approx. 30 minutes long. It actually clocked in at about 37. Classic low-budget VHS move.

But, actually, this isn't that low-budget. It's sponsored by Mongoose, Life's a Beach, and Schwinn, and one of the bands featured, Hurricane, were signed to Enigma records (I think the others may have been signed to smaller divisions of Enigma). MX Machine seemed to be fairly legit, too, and I found their track "This Is No Drill" (played while Brian Blyther was riding Ron Wilkerson's half-pipe) to be one of the highlights of the movie. Seriously. It's a pretty sweet song.

But the real highlight was Metal MC, a rap/rock hybrid band that I can't believe I had never heard of before. I am really pissed that I can't find any videos of them. The last five minutes of this movie is a makeshift music video for their song "Born to Party," with bikini girls and dudes riding ramp around two "rappers" kicking lyrics like "We were born to party/ We don't care if it's OK/ And even if it's not/ We'll party anyway."

That's gold.



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Metal MC - Born To Party (1988)

OK. I just put something together in the course of writing that last part. Bear with me here.

So I'm watching Metal MC in the BMX video, and while the two dudes are rapping, this blonde guitar player is flailing around maniacally. This strikes me as a bit familiar. Then I find these images for the album (check out the one dude's hot LBST, btw) and see that his name's Waf. Huh? Where do I know this dude from?

Then I download their out-of-print CD off a blog and don't feel bad about it. While listening to it, I hear one of the rappers say something about "Warren," and then it hits me. I find an article to confirm my theory: It's Warren Fitzgerald from the Vandals. Then I'm embarrassed that it took me so long to figure it out.

Yes, Warren from the Vandals was the 19-year-old guitarist in Metal MC. What a world.




This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
bertation - A sweet way to describe a monumental situation, usually celebratory. See also: "heavy bertation."

Origin - This.

Usage - "Oh, dude. I went out with a lovely lady last night."

"Dude, did you have a good time?"

"Dude, we went to a crazy hotspot and everyone was really letting loose. Dude, I got hammered and punched a guy."

"Dude, sounds like a pretty major bertation."

"Dude, it was a seriously heavy bertation."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things to Say While Watching Law & Order: SVU:

10. "Is this the one where somebody gets sexually assualted? Seen it! Change the channel."
09. "Allow me to blow your mind and do something that no one's ever done before: point out the irony of gangsta rapper Ice-T playing a cop."
08. "Richard Belzer: a classic beauty."
07. "Hey, isn't that guy who's playing the one lady's husband the guy from that other show?"
06. "I heard the lawyer chick is married to Emeril. Bam! Know what I mean?"
05. "This perp's M.O. changes more frequently than Benson's hairdo! Am I right? Huh?"
04. "It's about to get a whole lot Stabler around here."
03. "That Capt. Cragen is one crime-hatin' cue ball."
02. "OK, chug a beer every time they have to call in a favor to get a warrant with minimal evidence."
01. "I wonder if they could pull DNA from the grease in Ice-T's ponytail?"


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