Gome of the Week
"So it's a deal. You let me know if Sandler or Spade are making a movie, and I'll do the same for you."
"Sounds good. Until then, we'll just sit around waiting for work."
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Celebrity Pu$$y - SFW site dedicated to celebrities and their cats. Despite what you first thought when you saw that title, you sicko.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
This budget-ass collection of three Superman short cartoons from the 40's was released in 1987, and is only about 30 minutes long. I have little interest in Superman, but when I saw the title "Superman and Japoteurs" on the back, I had to pick this up just to see how racist it was.
Turns out it's not extremely racist, but the Japanese dudes in that episode are slightly buck-toothed and they all wear derby hats and black suits and smoke the whole time. And their broken English is pretty over-the-top. So, you know what? Maybe it is extremely racist. Huh.
These shorts follow a strict formula: The newspaper finds out that some dude or a team of dudes is going to cause trouble, Lois Lane decides to cover the shit out of the story, and then when Clark Kent realizes things are getting major, he says "This looks like a job for Superman," and goes about saving Lois and Metropolis by punching planes and shit.
(Awesomeness: Check out the enthusiasm Clark musters when he decides to turn into Superman.)
I gotta say, for being almost 70 years old, these cartoons are pretty impressive. They don't show people talking a lot because that must have been a hassle to animate, but the scenes of Superman flying around aren't too shabby. And, there's a mad scientist in one of the episodes, so you can rest easy knowing that that stereotypical villain is accounted for.
And, if you ever wondered where Robert Smigel got the inspiration for the Wonderman cartoons that aired on the TV Funhouse show those many years ago (and I know you did), look no further. I never realized how faithful he was to the original.
You can watch the "Bulleteers" episode of Superman here (also included on this tape) if you dare. It is eight minutes of weirdness that you will never get back.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Most Happy Fellows - At Ease (1978)
Do you like barbershop quartets? I don't. And though I know they're supposed to be enthusiastic, this group of guys almost killed me with their cheery harmonies. I made it through four songs. Yes, they live up to their name.
And they're purists. They all have mustaches, and two of the guys have the full-on handlebar going. Now that's commitment. But when you're singing songs like "I Don't Want to Get Well, I'm In Love With a Beautiful Nurse" and "If He Can Fight Like He Can Love, Goodnight Germany," there's no room for quarteters that aren't going to give 100%. And I respect that.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
bluedouche - A sweet thing to call a guy who walks around with his bluetooth earpiece in.
Origin - Very important people.
Usage - "Oh, dude. Did you see bro patrol last night? It was a BroTown spectacular of immense proportions."
"Dude, indeed it was. Never have I seen so many bluedouches in all my life."
"Dude, they were just ready to answer calls. Ready to make calls. Ready to get shit done."
"Dude, those guys were on a level of hotshot that I can't even put into words. It was something to see."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things You Were Doing During the State of the Union Address:
10. Cleaning your XBox 360 headset and your bong
09. Composing a tweet that included both "LMAO" and "Snooki"
08. Telling your wife that you can't look at Boehner because he reminds you of an old, worn, leaky leather bota bag you used to carry around in the 60's
07. Frantically beating off to fake nude photos of Ruth Bader Ginsburg that you made yourself
06. Greasing up your assault rifle while wearing only a confederate flag
05. Hanging with your bros and playing that drinking game where you take a shot every time the applause turns into a standing O
04. The same thing you do every Tuesday night: tape your cell phone to the bottom of the toilet at the Circle K down the street, hit record, and wait to get arrested
03. Scouring Craigslist for the sweetest deal on a slightly used mop
02. Power-napping, much like our founding fathers were known to have done
01. Booting, rallying
Cancel One Career