Gome of the Week
Looking sharp, Al.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Fake Criterions - You've probably already seen this. If you haven't, and you're a film fanatic, these will be entertaining to you.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)
As soon as Eric Freeman appeared on the screen in this flick, I turned to my wife and said, "Oh my god, it's the 'Garbage Day' guy!" And she asked me what the hell I was talking about. I said, "You've never seen 'Garbage Day'?" Apparently I thought everyone had seen "Garbage Day." I stopped the movie, grabbed my phone, and pulled up one of the greatest YouTube videos of all time. She was not nearly as impressed as I had hoped she would be. But I quickly realized that not only was this the "Garbage Day" guy, this was the movie that "Garbage Day" was taken from. Yes.
I really want to tell you that this one of the greatest B-movies I've ever seen, because in a way, it was. In another way, it was the worst. You know how sometimes with sequels they'll show you a few clips of the previous movie to get you up to speed on where the story is at? This movie did that, but instead of a few short, highly-edited clips, they spent the first 40 minutes of the movie just basically showing half of the first movie. I'm not exaggerating. Full scenes. Long ones. They were intercut with scenes of Freeman (who plays Ricky, the little brother of Billy, the killer from the first movie) explaining his psychosis to a shrink, but it was ridiculous.
If you thought Freeman was overacting in "Garbage Day," don't fool yourself into thinking that that was a one-off fluke. He's like that during this entire film. And it is hilarious. You can check out a few other choice moments here. That should give you an idea of what kind of flick this is, but it's really only the tip of the iceberg. Explaining the simultaneous brilliance/idiocy of this movie would take days. If you can find it, and you have a tolerance for really shitty movies, I'd say you should give this a shot. Because it's like nothing you've ever seen before. Once Ricky ices the shrink and goes on his killing spree, shit gets really great. You have to wait for it, but it's worth it.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Zamfir - Christmas with Zamfir (1984)
The uncontested "King of the Pan Flute" takes on Christmas here, and it's just as sleep-inducing as you'd think it would be.
Seriously. Have you ever heard a pan flute? It'll soothe the shit out of you. Listen to his version of "Silent Night" and see how far you can get until you fall asleep.
I usually last about 25 seconds.
Dude's killin' it in that coat, though. Maybe literally. That fur looks real. Hiyoooo!
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
mahoosive - A sweet way to combine "massive" and "huge."
Origin - Dold in Europe.
Usage - "Oh, dude. This Christmas is going to be so trump teez."
"Dude, I agree. The trump teeziest. I am going to wear a Santa hat every day until Christmas just to show everyone what a mahoosive fan of the holidays I am."
"Dude, the only thing that will accomplish is showing everyone what a mahoosive dode wrangler you are."
"Dude, you really hurt me just now when you implied that I wrangle dodes."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You're About to Screw It All Up:
10. Your hands are covered in low-grade margarine
09. Your pants are around your ankles and the noise of the crowd just got a lot louder
08. The boiling water is no longer in the pot, and the pot handle is no longer in your hand
07. You've had enough whiskey where you get to the point of saying things like, "I think a neck tattoo would look really cool"
06. That wiffle ball bat is an aluminum bat
05. That aluminum bat that you used to think was a wiffle ball bat is actually a plutonium bat
04. You're wearing roller skates, the floor is covered with marbles, and the marbles are covered with microscopic marbles and the floor is made of the same stuff that marbles are made of
03. You say, "Just gimme the keys to the fighter jet" and then wink at this hot chick you're trying to bang
02. You've got a straight razor in one hand, and a shot glass full of rubber cement in the other
01. You look at your driver's license and it says "Andy Dick"
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