Gome of the Week
I don't care for negative campaign ads, but my dream job would be being the guy in charge of finding the worst possible photo of the person the ad is trying to take down.
If you get a pic of the person sneezing, you're golden.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
nooooooooooooooo.com - You'll know when the time is right to use this.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Flesh & Blood (1985)
The title of this film could not be more accurate.
If you've ever seen a Jennifer Jason Leigh movie, you know there's about a 75% chance that she'll take her top off before the credits roll. She flipped the script with this one by being at least partially naked during 75% of her screen time. At one point she had a dress on, and it took me a second to figure out who she was. Hiyooo! Seriously, though: she rocked some major full-frontal in this thing.
So, that was engaging. But if you know me, you know that I'm not one for period pieces. And when you're talking about the early 16th century, I stop listening. This movie was based in the year 1501, and it wasn't much more than a bunch of pillaging, interspersed with some heavy stabbing, mild punching, and occasional innard-emptying. It made me remember what it is exactly that I hate about the Middle Ages: everything.
This thing had been sitting on my shelf for over a year, and between the swords and the 126-minute running time, I really wasn't looking forward to watching it. But, there it was, and I feel it's good to watch something that resembles a major motion picture every once in a while. And Rutger Hauer is reliably hilarious, so that made the pill a little less bitter to swallow. When I realized he was sporting an earring and a dragon tattoo in this thing, I felt a little bit better about the whole deal. And in the end, it wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it might be.
Fun fact: this is the first US film by Paul Verhoeven, the dude who brought us Robocop, Basic Instinct, and Starship Troopers, among others. And yes, I realize this movie is far from obscure. Like I said: it's good to mix it up every once in while. But this sexual-assualt-fest (way too much of that) gave me my fill of savagery for a while. Can't wait to get back to some sci-fi or some good ol' fashioned throat-kicking.
Watch the excrutiatingly lengthy trailer for this semi-erotic mead-and-meat party here.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Sonic Force - Do It Like This (1992)
At $4, this 12" probably holds the title for Most Expensive Record Featured in this Section in the Last Two Years, and it was totally worth it. Look at that cover. When I flipped it over and saw that it was from Tacoma (excuse me - "T-Town"), that sealed the deal.
I can barely find any info about this thing online, and it's a damn shame, because if you could hear the title track, you'd enjoy the shit out of it. But you'll have to get by knowing that it was produced by M.C. Ripper, recorded at Rip'n Studios, and it was released on Rip'n Records. Not sure if you can see his license plate there, but it says "RIPPERR." And yes, he is indeed shirtless under that stonewashed denim coat. In 1992. Just straight rip'n it.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
It's like a Mensa convention in here - A sweet way to sarcastically sum up the collective intelligence in a given room.
Origin - Concentrated idiocy.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I've never seen so many people enjoying the latest Black Eyed Peas single."
"Dude, this party's hopping with poor taste."
"Dude, the brain-deadedness in these parts in palpable."
"Dude, I'd go as far as to say that it's like a Mensa convention in here."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You Didn't Win the Election:
10. Someone just handed you a gift certificate for an appointment with a professional noose-fitter
09. While checking the local news, you catch a glimpse of your wife partying with the other candidate
08. Retrospective video of your campaign prominently features classic footage of the Hindenburg
07. Opponent gives you credit for "having the courage to get out of bed this morning"
06. Newspapers keep referring to you as "devastatingly pathetic also-ran"
05. Someone keeps following you around blaring "Taps" out of their phone
04. Just received personal dinner invitation from Walter Mondale
03. YouTube video of your concession speech in which you chastize the human race already a huge hit
02. The Chili's where your election-night party was being held has asked you to leave because they don't want to be associated with such a huge zero
01. You're deep into an airplane glue binge, but in fairness, you probably would have done that had you won
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