09.26.10
Gome of the Week
I can't help but feel that Sex and the City is somehow responsible for this.
I heard this comes pre-loaded with tissues that aid you in crying yourself to sleep at night. Is that true?
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Stormtroopers 365 - Getting it done, Empire style.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
365 Nights in Hollywood (1934)
You would think there would be a ton of movies with "365" in the title. There are not. So, against every natural instinct rumbling from my annoyingly dudecentric psyche, I watched this: a black-and-white musical from the mid-30's. By the time it was over, my testicles were nowhere to be seen. I later found them cowering behind my "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan action figure.
Anyway, I'm fairly certain I've never sat through a feature-length film this old before. This thing seemed one step away from being a "talkie," and I have very little interest in classic films of this era. And I hate musicals. So, I was unstoked on this thing from the get-go. But, I do quite enjoy low-budget movies with spotty acting, and I also like movies about making movies. So, I was in luck there.
This flick revolves around a once-renowned director who drank his way out of Hollywood's good graces, finding himself only employable as an instructor at a crooked acting school. With every kid wanting to be the next Shirly Temple and every gent wanting to be the next Gable, the guy who runs the place is raking it in. When a hot-and-naive blondie (Faye) rolls into town, she signs up for the school, gets her love/hate on with the director, and eventually scores the leading role in what is to be his comeback picture, a musical financed by money he swindles from the swindler who runs the school.
There is poorly-executed comedy relief throughout this movie (mostly provided by the highly annoying team of Mitchell and Durant, who do nothing but beat on each other and wrestle), and it somehow makes it almost charming. Faye is, to my eyes, neither attractive nor talented, but apparently she was a big star in the years that followed this (this is one of her first movies), so clearly I don't know what I'm talking about.
In the end, I didn't hate this as much as I thought I might. The barely-over-an-hour running time helped quite a bit, and like I said, the failed attempts at comedy worked for me. Check out a clip here, and prepare yourself for the severe oldness of this picture.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
365 - One Touch (2006)
Apparently the UK was still working the boy band angle a few years back, but they felt it needed a slightly rougher edge. Enter these choadbags, who try for the coveted "hair-gel gangsta" vibe that never existed, because I just made it up.
Anyway, I didn't think much of these dudes until I was watching their video, and about a minute into it, one of the oiler guys drops the line, "I do wanna fuck you." This ain't your little sister's boy band! These dudes are bringing the f-word to the table, because if there's one thing that today's teenyboppers are demanding, it's twenty-something dudes talking about some hardcore fucking. Yowsa.
Anybody else get the feeling that these guys are just drenched in Axe body spray and probably all have rape cases pending against them? Maybe it's just me. Either way, you're welcome for introducing you to your new favorite band.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
365 degrees - A sweet way to describe the temperature of a house you just set on fire.
Origin - Talking Heads' "Burning Down the House"
Usage - "Oh, dude. I am feeling a rush right now. See that house outside? I just arsoned the shit out of it."
"Dude, those are some pretty intense flames pouring out of that hole in the roof there."
"Dude, it's gotta be at least 365 degrees in there."
"Dude, gutsy reference during this very serious time, but I respect that."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Ways The Online World Has Changed Since Our First Weekly Waste, Posted On September 28, 2001:
10. Gay porn now in full, brilliant color
09. No longer need to insert a series of floppy disks to get the ol' web to fire up
08. I don't need to tell you about the rise and fall of Friendster
07. Online gambling wasn't always controlled by the cyber-mob
06. I no longer start lobbin' at the sound of a 56k modem connecting
05. Long gone are the days of waiting three days for a video to download, only to find that it's a 25-second clip of a dude fisting a chick in the pooper (this actually happened to Oatmeal)
04. Back when we started, the closest thing we had to YouTube was that damn monkey who just wouldn't quit peeing in his own mouth
03. Way more One Tree Hill fan fiction now, not that I would even know what that is
02. The "comments section" was something that I heard was going to be hot, and man, that just passed us right by
01. Always plenty of imposters, but we be the OG
Cancel One Career
