Gome of the Week
It's amazing how many people in this city have decided that the new no-cell-phones-while-driving law doesn't apply to them.

I know there's exceptions, but I'm fairly certain that the 300-lb teenage girl with the dreamcatcher hanging from her rearview window who almost hit me yesterday isn't a surgeon.

Almost positive.



This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
iPad Steering Wheel Mount - The future is now, people. Get on board.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Philadelphia Experiment (1984)

Apparently this movie is based on a well-known urban legend/conspiracy theory, but I have to admit I wasn't familiar with it. But I'll tell you what: if the events portrayed in this film are indeed true, somebody's got some serious 'splainin' to do!

Michael Paré (Week 306's Killing Streets) made this movie the year after Eddie and the Cruisers was released, so he looks exactly like he did in that flick. In fact, Eddie and the Cruisers was probably gaining popularity via cable at that point, and here Paré was, already doing hammy sci-fi movies. He would continue to do them for the rest of his life, which is still going. (His most recent starring role is in Amphibious 3D.)

Still, Paré's best move has been embracing his inevitable B-movie fate, and this film is a great start to that wonderful tradition. The special effects are rough, even for 1984, but the story is fairly interesting. Paré plays a sailor who, along with his buddy, is involved in a military experiment in 1943 that hopes to install a cloaking device on their ship. Instead, the two of them get sent to 1984, where they don't know what the hell's going on. It ends up that the scientists in '84 were conducting a similar experiment, and the combination of the two opened up some wormhole and the two dudes got sucked into it. Yes, it barely makes sense, but watching Paré stare in amazement at cans of Coke and video games is fairly hilarious.

Stephen "Needle-Nosed Ned" Tobolowsky makes one of his first film appearances in this movie, and as usual, he dials the bit part. The love interest is played by Nancy Allen, who has the distinction of being in all three Robocop movies. 1984 was truly a great year. There's a scene where the sailors, newly time-traveled, encounter a couple of new-wave punks. What a shocker for these guys from the 40's! And cable TV? What is this craziness? Yeah, there's a lot of that. And the last line of the movie was so corny that I almost combusted. But that's what these movies are all about.

Check the trailer here.

They made a sequel ten years later...I might just have to watch the shit out of that.


This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Kermit Schafer - All Time Great Bloopers Volume 1 (197?)

Not exactly sure of the date on this one, but from what I can tell, it's a compilation that was sold on TV in the 70's. My parents had a different Schafer collection in our house when I was growing up (I loved that it referred to screw-ups as "boners"), and even at a very young age, one thing was clear to me about these "bloopers": a lot of 'em were fake. If not fake, they were re-creations, and not always very good ones at that. (I always wondered how this guy had tapes of radio broadcasts from the 40's...)

They also put laugh tracks on some of the clips, but not on others. The whole setup makes for a stressful listening experience, but if you're six years old or really, really high, you'll love it.

Here's an idea of what it sounds like.



This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
spraying foam - A sweet way to classify explosive diarrhea.

Origin - Nick Kroll.

Usage - "Oh, dude. I may have a t-minus two-minute asspiss situation on my hands."

"Dude, I told you you should not have washed down that beefy bean chilito with six cups of coffee."

"Dude, if you need me, I'll be in the bathroom for the next three hours spraying foam."

"Dude, reek."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things I'm Ignoring While Constantly Playing Super Mario Galaxy 2:

10. Those tater tots I put in the oven five days ago
09. The fact that I haven't seen my wife since Friday
08. The overpowering stench of my unwashed genitalia
07. The sad reality that I used a bag of tortilla chips as a pillow during my power nap yesterday
06. The 12 messages from my job asking if I'm ever planning on showing up again
05. The Lord of the Flies-type situation that my cats are currently embroiled in
04. The oozing blisters on my Wiimote hand
03. Thoughts of wearing a diaper
02. The fact that I'm pretty sure there's a raccoon living in my shower
01. Anything that doesn't produce coins or star bits


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