Gome of the Week
Since people on Facebook now feel that they can control who hosts SNL, a campaign has started to get one-time comedienne and current gremlin Carol Burnett to host the show.
The plan has apparently hit a roadblock: When asked to produce any evidence of Burnett being even mildly funny since her portrayal of Miss Hannigan in 1982's Annie, the leaders of the Facebook campaign froze, then began tugging their earlobes repeatedly while crying.
In other news, Tim Conway will be signing copies of Dorf on Backgammon in front of his apartment this weekend.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Canabalt - Typing Tutor Edition - Say goodbye to work for the rest of the day.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Dark Breed (1996)
Considering that this was made in the mid-90's and it was clearly a straight-to-video release, this thing had some really impressive special effects. And I'm not kidding when I say that. Not only were there alien hosts invading the bodies of unwilling humans, eventually splitting them open up the middle and emerging as a more hammer-headed version of the alien from Alien, there were also two separate instances where those aliens - once while in human form and once while in alien form - punched somebody so hard in the stomach that their fist came out through the poor sap's back.
Sound pretty sweet? It was, for the most part. Not only were the special effects well-done, but the stunts and explosions were solid, as well. There were at least twelve people who got thrown through windows, a dude being dragged behind a truck on a rogue radar dish, and whenever there was even a slight chance of an explosion being believable, it was worked in. A car rams into a house frame on a trailer? Huge explosion. Car plows through a construction sight? Ka-boom. Seriously - everything blew up.
The story was a decent idea - alien parasites take over some astronauts in space and then use their bodies to come back to earth and hatch their eggs - but the details were never really explained enough to make it too compelling. Still, you get enough dudes with bazookas on their shoulders and things get ridiculously awesome real quick. And while some people complain about action/sci-fi movie cliches (the chubby/quirky computer guy, the former war vet who keeps having flashbacks, the smokin' hot chick who would never end up in the military), I embrace them. Jack Scalia did a great job of playing the hardened soldier in this flick, grumbling his way through saving the planet. Often with a bazooka.
Check the trailer here.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Space - Magic Fly (1977)
If you listen to the song "Magic Fly," you might recognize it. And if you'd listened to it in 1977, it probably would have blown your discofied mind. Items of note:
The video for the title track is one of the greatest things ever.
Gutsy move: titling an instrumental song "Velvet Rape."
This is one of those records where the tracklisting on the back is separated into two sides and appears to be the tracklist for the album, but does not match what's on the record. One of my pet peeves. Here I am thinking I'm listening to "Flying Nightmare," when I'm really listening to "Ballad for Space Lovers."
My copy of this record has light razor blade cuts all over the front of it, all concentrated right in the middle of the cover. (Seriously.) Somebody likes to party...
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
gleaming the pube - A sweet way to refer to someone who is wearing such low-slung pants that their pubes (or absence thereof) are showing.
Origin - The degradation of society.
Usage - "Oh, dude. Those pants are a little small, don't you think?"
"Dude, it is the latest fashion. Just giving the ladies what they desire."
"Dude, I don't know if the ladies want you to be gleaming the pube so hard."
"Dude, I must gleam on. Don't try and stop me."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs Your Manuscript Will Not Be Published:
10. There are six women in it who share the name "Todd"
09. 200 pages are spent meticulously detailing the main character going to the bathroom
08. It's titled Don't Call Me Rico: The Life and Times of Gerardo
07. You can sum up the plot in two words: "Smurfs fucking"
06. It's 700 pages long and it's about The James Gang going to space
05. You wrote it during a one-day coke binge
04. Apparently people are not interested in the long, storied history of hairnets
03. It's about you getting your book published and then killing the guy who publishes it
02. Your friends' written feedback always includes the phone numbers to local suicide hotlines
01. It's about a cute little kitten who just can't stop shitting blood
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