Gome of the Week
Sample joke from Jay Leno's speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner:
"Hats off to Michelle Obama who has made childhood obesity one of her causes. She has started a more intense program - it's called 'Leave No Child with a Bigger Behind.'"
And America laughed.
We were so close to being rid of this knucklehead. You blew it, society.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Rob Corddry Has A Broner - He sure does.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Fire and Rain (1989)
Hasselhoff. Bosley. Guillaume. Haid?
It's always interesting to see which made-for-TV movies were deemed worthy of a VHS release. This one obviously made the cut, and with a battery of guest stars like that, how could it not? Of course, each of those people on the front have about three minutes of screen time apiece. (Except for Charles Haid, who waddles his way through the wreckage for far too long and almost single-handedly takes the film down with his inability to not look like a huge prick.) But, you know, it's an ensemble piece.
Hasselhoff plays a surgeon and Angie Dickinson plays a head doctor, so that should give you an idea of how much they were willing to fudge the facts of this legitimate tragedy. And it really is quite depressing. That tagline makes it seem like it's going to be a tale of heroism, but the fact is, 85% of the people on board the flight died on impact. So it's really a story of people finding out their family members are dead. Not even the kind face of Tom Bosley can put a positive spin on something like that.
And unlike most TV movies, there's no real lesson to learn from this, except to avoid wind shear if you're an airline pilot. So keep that in mind if you ever decide to pursue that line of work.
In the end, I was mostly bummed that the scene where the plane crashes was done so poorly. They do a quick shot of one of the engines whipping past a cloud and then there's just a huge explosion seen from the distance. Then they quick-cut to the survivors hopping off the plane, which seemed like it just exploded in a huge fireball in the sky. Eh, it was '89, what can you do? The important thing is that Robert Guillaume got to supplement his sweet Benson syndication money by turning in a half-hearted performance as a soft-spoken undertaker. So something good came out of all of this.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Marty Brill & Larry Foster - James Blonde - "The Man from T.A.N.T.E." (1965)
Yes, those are bagels hanging from a hook there on the right.
This is a comedic send-up of the James Bond films, done with heavy Jewish themes, and since I have never seen a Bond film and didn't grow up Jewish, I don't get any of the jokes. But it's done in front of a live audience, and they seem to enjoy it quite a bit. Damn sophisticates.
Apparently it involves a missing matzoh, and is filled with "intrigue, danger, and chicken fat!" Seriously, I don't get it.
Hear this madness here.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Sir Scrotum - A sweet thing to call somebody who thinks they're classy.
Origin - Whosawannastink.
Usage - "Oh, dude. That top hat is really complementing your track suit nicely."
"Dude, this is the new me. Love it or leave it."
"I'm enjoying the entire get-up, Sir Scrotum."
"Dude, your approval means a lot to me."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things To Get Tattooed On Your Taint:
10. "Fleshy Fun Bridge Crossing"
09. "Everlasting Maple Bar"
08. A ruler
07. A flawless replica of your MedicAlert bracelet
06. Your bike lock combo
05. "You must be caught between my balls and something stinky"
04. A portrait of Angela Lansbury
02. The cover art from Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet
01. The Chinese symbol for "Tweren't"
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