Gome of the Week
Sony, you've blown our minds.
Oh wait, it's not 2006.
Cool blue ball, though.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
I-mSayingNoToGov.HealthCare - Watch this all the way through. It just gets more and more awesome.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Sometimes They Come Back...For More (1998)
If you know Max Perlich, then you know he'll show up to any film set offering SAG minimum and a place for him to crash. I have seen the dude in some shit films (he was in Gummo, for chrissake), but this one might take the cake. Yep, it's even worse than Punk Love.
I've seen the first Sometimes They Come Back a few times, and I actually liked it. Don't think I caught the second one, but it matters not. This movie has nothing to do with either of those, other than it involving some people "coming back." In this case, it's soldiers stationed at an undercover Antarctic mining operation, and they're dropping like flies. Before they have a chance to return, a couple of special agents are sent in to see what the hell is going on. When they arrive, they find Perlich and Faith "Corky" Ford living in fear as the only surviving members of the crew.
Things get worse as one of the agents dies and some of the recently murdered soldiers start showing up. There's also ghostly visions of dancers, vocodered warnings from beyond, and a bunch of other shit that makes absolutely no sense. So, it's a mess, but in all fairness, the first thirty minutes of the movie aren't awful. The set-up is promising, but as soon as the pentagrams and ancient books about demons show up, it goes from creepy to comedy. Long story short: Turns out one of the special agents sent in to investigate is - and I'm not kidding - Satans's son. He's a thousand years old, and to make matters worse, his half-brother is holding sacrifices in the basement of the bunker they're in. Talk about a dysfunctional family!
Eh, it was pretty sweet to see Perlich with a pentagram carved in his forehead. So, as usual, I regret nothing.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Paul Nelson - Vortex (1981)
I hit the record bins hard this past weekend, and while I'm always on the lookout for odd records, it's becoming more and more rare that I come across something that I'm genuinely looking forward to listening to. The front cover of this record intrigued me, but it was the back cover that sealed the deal. The dude's face, sure, but that (now) vintage synth gear too... Plus, this record was an independent release from Portland. I figured it was worth fifty cents.
And I was right. This is really interesting suite of mostly instrumental electronic music, and for the time, I'd have to say it was quite an accomplishment. After finding this site and reading the comments from Mr. Nelson himself, I feel even happier to own one of the 1,000 copies of this bad boy floating around. "Automated Man" is the jam.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
scrotal recall - A woman's uncanny ability to remember details about a dude's testicles.
Origin - Cradling; possible cupping.
Usage - "Oh, dude. My new girlfriend is your ex-girlfriend from years ago. This is awkward, dude."
"Dude, think nothing of it. I'm sure she's long forgotten the intimate details of our torrid affair."
"Dude, she said you have balls the size of pomelos."
"Dude, she always did have amazing scrotal recall."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things To Do While Blasting W.A.S.P.'s "Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)":
10. Sit in the bed of your truck in the mall parking lot wearing cutoff jean shorts and holding up fistfuls of wine coolers
09. Clean your garage
08. Urinate on the side of a government building
07. Pound your dong with a rubber mallet
06. Tell your wife you wish she was as dead sexy as Blackie Lawless
05. Type YouTube comment that unequivocally states, "Wasp Rulls"
04. Go into your dungeon, select the appropriate leather, zipper-mouthed mask for the evening
03. Tell the girl you're on your first date with that you're suing the band because this song is clearly about you and you have yet to receive any royalties
02. Air-hump any and everything that crosses your path
01. Kiss your bride and get ready for the party of a lifetime
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