Gome of the Week
Billy Corgan wonders why he doesn't get much respect from the music-loving public these days.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

That's a noodle-scratcher.









This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Light Bulb Effect - I find these very charming for some reason.


This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Stranded (1987)

This was Ione Skye's second major role (following the awesomeness that is River's Edge), and while it must have had a wide release at the time (I'm just going by the New Line logo), it must not have done much at the box office. The VHS doesn't even have previews before the feature, and the movie itself is barely 80 minutes long. Neither of those things are signs that anyone had any faith in this film. And while they shouldn't have, it wasn't nearly as terrible as I thought it would be.

Skye plays Deirdre, a 17-year-old girl who recently lost her parents in a car crash and now lives with her grandmother. After a very brief overview of the living situation, a meteor-looking thing lands in their backyard, aliens are in their house, and some people trying to check out the situation are getting space blasted. It eventually turns into a hostage situation on the outside, and a friendship-blossoming situation on the inside.

These are kind aliens in silver suits who look like slightly more stylized versions of Edgar Winter. Except for one of them, who looks more like Howie Mandel in Little Monsters. He's played by Flea, who was following up his powerhouse performance in Dudes that same year. He is quite convincing as a gap-toothed space spaz who befriends the grandma.

The sheriff of the town, brought on scene to handle the perceived hostage situation (Deirdre and her grandma just remain holed up in the house with the creatures, finally insisting - post-mind-meld - that the aliens just want to go home because they're on the run from an intergalactic assassin), is played by Joe "Miles Dyson" Morton, who is always awesome, so that was something. In fact, the decent acting throughout this thing saved it from becoming too laughable. It did end up being one of those aliens-teaching-us-a-tale-about-racism flicks, but whatever. The final shootout ends up being pretty sweet, but when you see how the aliens get back home, you wonder what the fuck they were waiting for. It wasn't like they needed a part for their ship. They didn't even have a ship. But otherwise this movie was hyper-realistic.



This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
K-Tel - Let's Disco (1978)

See that weird vertical line running through the "D" in Disco? That's a slot where the instructional book is supposed to go for this thing. My copy is missing that. But the record is intact, so that's something. But trying to do these complicated (ahem) disco moves without drawings might be a bit complicated.

It just ends up being this professional voiceover dude going "Now place your right foot in front of your left, move to a half-pivot position, and spin counter-clockwise. After a quick kneel-reverse, you should be back in your original position." Whoah, slow down, my man. Let me get my head together.

I would need like a mountain of blow to get through this thing. So this weekend I'll probably knock it out.




This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
butthole tuxedo - A sweet way to dress up your butthole for a hot date. Also a sweet name for a punk band.

Origin - Class, mostly. Some dignity. But not much. Just enough.

Usage - "Oh, dude. Things are looking mad trump teez for me. I am going on a hot date to a chronic rock show tonight."

"Dude, sounds like you have quite an evening ahead of you."

"Dude, I certainly do. And because of that, I am wearing my finest butthole tuxedo. And in a strange twist of fate, we are also going to see the band Butthole Tuxedo. I heard they rip, dude."

"Dude, sounds swizzity. Now, does the cumberbund go around your scrotum coaster?"


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Signs You're A Shill For The Dairy Industry:

10. In the gym locker room, you make a big production out of peeling back the wrapper on a stick of butter and using it as an underarm deodorant
09. You just will not shut the fuck up about crème fraiche
08. You named your daughter Ghee
07. You insist that you can feel the live cultures working their magic on your yogurt-dipped ballbag
06. You refer to soy and rice milk as "homo juice"
05. You can often be found at the park with your son, tossing around the ol' ball of mozzarella
04. You know way too much about the storied history of buttermilk
03. It's not odd to find you lounging on the couch, watching the game, and enjoying massive handfuls of large curd cottage cheese
02. Your favorite cocktail: gin and evaporated milk
01. Always talking about that one time you tasted the raw, uncut stuff, "straight from the udder"


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