Gome of the Week
We got a little less than four inches of snow in the Portland Metro area this evening, and it resulted in over two dozen accidents, as well as a local reporter calling it the "worst traffic night in 20 years."
That's some good drivin', Portlanders.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
When Art Imitates Life - The RZA is going crazier and crazier. Don't skip the intro on this. It's the best part.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Bloody New Year (1987)
This was a rough one. It reminded me a bit of last week's flick, Don't Open Till Christmas, because it's a low-budget, heavily-accented affair with hilarious "special effects." But while last week's movie has some redeeming qualities (nudity, severed wangs), this one has few. Very few. Maybe none.
A group of kids are at the carnival, where they get into a scuffle with some local punks. They eventually get away on their boat (yeah, what?), which then proceeds to spring a leak and wash them up on what they believe to be a deserted island. They soon find a hotel that looks prepped for what they think is a 50's-themed new year's party. That's when the weirdness starts.
Ghosts start showing up and all sorts of odd things start happening, like sheiks jumping out of movies screens and choking dudes. The problem is, there doesn't seem to be any consistency to any of it. Sometimes it's a ghost. Sometimes a table comes to life, with a monster that pops out of it. Somehow the punks they were fighting with get back there.
And somehow, this all manages to be excrutiatingly boring. Worst of all, this is all taking place in July! While there is a bit of a new year's theme in there, it's not really central to the movie. So I feel lied to. And ashamed. And a little bit sleepy.
In the end, it's all explained away by a ghost who tells the last two survivors that the government had done a top-secret experiment in a plane that flew above the island on December 31, 1959, and now all the people that were at the new year's party out there were eternally stuck in a time warp. Huh? Then why are they ghosts? Did they die or are they just frozen? I just... I can't... No amount of making the film go backwards so the plate unshatters and goes back on the table (which was a technique used repeatedly during this film) can make this right. Ouch.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Paul J. Meyer - How to Prospect Your Way to Millions (1961)
I am hooked on these records from the Success Motivation Institute from Waco, Texas. If you ever see a record from this label, buy it for me. I will pay you back. It should look something like this, and should be by some asshole sales guy who wants to teach you how to fuck people out of their money by strategically bullying them. It's fascinating stuff.
This one is about how to get the names of the people you plan to bilk. Then, and only then, will you get your rolodex with two huge stacks of money next to it.
Get mad, you sons of bitches! Get mad!
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Sick belt buckle, bro - A sweet way compliment a bro on his belt buckle.
Origin - The Ed Hardy Boyz. Act like you know.
Usage - "Oh, dude. Christmas was trump teez. Now I am ready for New Year's Eve."
"Dude, you sure are. Those jeans are stone-washed and really creasing right around your nuts. Nice work, dude."
"Dude, and check out what's holding 'em up."
"Dude, sick belt buckle, bro."
"Dude, I know, bro."
This Week's Top Ten List
BTB's Top Ten Albums of 2009:
10. Eminem - Relapse
09. 50 Cent - Before I Self Destruct
08. Ghostface Killah - Ghostdini: The Wizard of Poetry in Emerald City
07. Julian Casablancas - Phrazes for the Young
06. Them Crooked Vultures -Them Crooked Vultures
05. Arctic Monkeys - Humbug
04. Built to Spill - There Is No Enemy
03. Sonic Youth - The Eternal
02. Raekwon - Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... pt. II
01. Busdriver - Jhelli Beam
Detailed breakdown here.
Honorable Mention: Method Man & Redman - Blackout! 2. Actually pretty good.
Reissue of the year: Nirvana - Bleach (Deluxe Edition). Not only does the album sound better than it ever has, the live show from 1990 is fantastic as well. Awesome.
New/old live album of the year: Nirvana - Live at Reading. Just incredible.
BTB's Top Ten Movies I Saw in the Theater in 2009:
10. Halloween II - I actually liked the first one, but this one was mostly a stinker. Gore porn and not much else.
09. The Hangover - Not nearly as funny as everyone thinks it is, but Ed Helms makes everything better.
08. I Love You, Man - Paul Rudd has made many a film stronger than this one, but the Rush stuff was awesome.
07. Zombieland - Woody Harrelson with a shotgun is always good.
06. Saw VI - How did this movie not suck? Made the last one look even worse, which was tough.
05. The Last House on the Left - Probably the most legitimately creepy flick since The Strangers.
04. Drag Me to Hell - Not legitimately creepy, but flat-out fun and majorly fucked-up. Stuck with me.
03. Public Enemies - I think in about five years, everyone will realize how awesome this movie is. Best shootouts I've seen in a long-ass time.
02. District 9 - I can't wait to see this movie again. So original, and so not-dumb. Couldn't believe I was seeing something like that in a major theater.
01. The Wrestler - Think it may have been released in '08, but I saw it in January '09. And I literally almost cried at the end. And I have almost no feelings. So that is something.
Paranormal Activity - That ending was chock full o' idiocy.
Friday the 13th - Stop this. Right now.
Cancel One Career