Gome of the Week
And, Rolling Stone continues to make my coffee table look really, really gay.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Wilton Way - A new web series from some funny dudes with no money but plenty of time.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Tomcat: Dangerous Desires (1993)
This movie marks the official beginning of Richard Grieco's career cancellation, as this was his first straight-to-video feature, made only two short years after Mobsters, his notorious flirtation with fame that bombed so hard it put the Griec man out of work for two years. Or so goes my theory.
But what better way to bounce back than with an erotic thriller about a man who's injected with cat brains and begins to become feline himself? Bold move, Booker. At the helm is director Paul Donovan, who also directed Week 302's movie, the strangely not-completely-sucky Def-Con 4. Grieco is as open-shirted as ever, playing a wealthy dancer (?) who, as we learn through a series of flashbacks, suffers from a degenerative disease that he undergoes an experimental treatment for. One end of the tube goes in his brain, the other end goes a cat's brain, and the next thing you know dude's freaking out when he gets water on him.
Of course, during all this transformative chaos, he's still banging every chick in sight, including the doctor, his dance partner, and a couple of older broads he picks up at a cat-themed sex club. He also jumps off a three-story building, lands on his feet, and then kills a dude. With the dexterity of a cat, of course!
I don't ask much of these sort of movies, but it would have been nice if this one would have decided on being either a soft-core fuck fest, a sci-fi fantasy, or a serial killer on-the-loose sort of affair. Instead, it tries to be all three, and it ends up being really annoying. The most disparaging thing: it wasn't nearly as funny as I hoped it would be. I mean, come on. You tell me there's a 1993 flick where Grieco turns into a cat, I'm going to expect some serious guffaws. And I got a few, but not nearly as many as I expected. And in the end, not even that much nudity. As the credits rolled and the sounds of cats hissing played (seriously), I just felt confused. But then i remembered the part where Grieco referred to the donor cat as his "parent," and I smiled.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
The Whiffenpoofs of Yale - Golden Anniversary (1959)
Never has a glee club had such a wussified name, and never have a group of Yale men seemed so at home staring longingly at a bunch of sheep.
These affable chaps carry on the proud tradition of singing show tunes and barbershop classics with the utmost sincerity, but it's the originals like "Daddy is a Yale Man" and "The Whiffenpoof Song" where they really shine.
And in case you were wondering: Yes, they're still going, and yes, they're celebrating their 100th year as we speak. Poof on!
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Quit needlin' me, you prick. - A sweet thing to say to someone who's bugging you.
Origin - Mr. Show?
Usage - "Oh, dude. It's almost Christmas time. What are you going to get me?"
"Well dude, I was thinking about getting you a nice tall glass of shut the hell up."
"Dude, weak. I was hoping for something sexy-vampire related."
"Dude, quit needlin' me, you prick. You'll get the shut the hell up and you'll drink it."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Black Friday Deals You Missed Out On:
10. 40% off all tie-dyed dildos at Wanda's Rubber Dong Commune
09. For twenty bucks, Gallagher will come to your house and smash his own kneecaps with that mallet of his
08. Free Dell computer to the first person to find the couch on which the Dell Dude is sleeping and/or crying
07. Complimentary rattlesnake to whoever wants to go into the air ducts of the reptile shop and grab that bugger
06. Local hookers offering alleyway soiled mattress service at no additional charge
05. Free pog with any pog purchase at that tubby kid down the street's house
04. For five bucks, between the hours of 9 and 10, that candy store in the mall will let you wrap your mouth around one o' them tall-ass gummy worm dispensers and just start suckin'
03. Your abusive boyfriend is offering, for a nominal fee, to "keep it below the neck"
02. Let's just say this: Ed has lost his mind, and he's almost giving away his celebrity-themed line of oversized vibrating anal eggs
01. At the local car wash: free buff & wax for all Yugo drivers
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