10.04.09

Gome of the Week
From MTV UK:

"Method Man has publicly said that he suffers from memory loss due to his penchant for smoke Marijuana, and that is the prime reason he has missed his tax payments."

I'm not a lawyer, but I think Mef's got himself an airtight case there.

Attica! Attica! Attica! And so forth.

 

 

 

 

 

This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Ed Hardy Boyz: The Case of the Missing Sick Belt Buckle - Nick Kroll continues his canidacy for Supreme Stallion of Comedy.

 

This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Love to Kill (1997)

After I got over the supreme awesomeness of the mere existence of this movie, I realized I couldn't wait long to watch it. I think I've had it for a little over two weeks, and it's been eyeing me from my fully stocked VHS shelf the entire time. Tony "Angeluh" Danza with a fucking gun. It doesn't get much better. Unless you throw Michael "I'm Filming A Movie Every Second I'm Awake" Madsen in the mix. Then you're guaranteed gold.

Danza plays Moe, a highly successful arms dealer, who occasionally does deals with Donnelly (Madsen), a fellow gun enthusiast and lowlife-about-town. Moe's dating a girl who doesn't really know what he does, and he's ready to get serious. Seems like a sweet plan, until her sister (played by Amy "I Should Have Stuck It Out On Melrose Place" Locane) falls down some stairs and dies in Moe's place while in the care of his lead henchman. They try to cover up the death (why, I don't know), and madness ensues.

Moe's girlfriend finds her sister's body, freaks, and runs to tell her sick mother (played wonderfully by Louise "Nurse Ratched" Fletcher). She calls the cops and lucks into a crooked one who's on Moe's payroll. He hides the body and shit gets even crazier. And just when you think it's going to turn into a sweet "woman scorned" sort of scenario, she sees the good in Moe following the dramatic final shootout and they decide to get hitched after they're both released from prison. (The cops show up, and she had killed the guy who was with her sister when she died.) Seeing Danza get cuffed and stuffed was fantastic. He also swore a lot and fired tons of guns throughout the film, which was equally entertaining.

Also entertaining: Todd Bridges playing a coroner, while wearing a huge hoop earring and stumbling over his lines. And Madsen. He's almost too good. He ate bananas throughout the entire film. Every scene. Just eating the shit out of a banana.

 

 

 

This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Harry Taylor - An Evening With Harry Taylor, Vol. 3 (196?)

He's edgy! It's amazing what passed for "adult" comedy forty years ago. This guy recites some tales about couples "making love" and people in the audience are in stitches! This guy's working blue, y'all!

He also does some of the standard audience insulting, and hilariously accuses some men in the audience of using the services of prostitutes. Plus, he has a piano on stage with him, and when he starts tickling the ivories, oh boy, look out. He's got some songs about the guy who knocked you up leaving town that will make you guffaw.

The best part is the one guy in the audience who is monumentally hammered and explodes with laughter at every punchline. He had fun.

 

 

This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
OH FUG - A sweet exclamation of excitement.

Origin - Excitable people everywhere.

Usage - "Oh, dude. They're making a new Predator movie. That shit will be trump teez."

"Dude, you are a sad sucker for these hackneyed reboots."

"Dude, the internet has confirmed that Arnold will be making a cameo."

"OH FUG, dude! I stand corrected. Let's go camp out."

 

This Week's Top Ten List

Oatmeal's Top Ten Phrases Used by Foreign Porn Actors When Attempting to Speak American English:

10. "My ass is where you should be putting it into."
09. "Now take me from behind – dog style!"
08. "Now brick on my jubblies, you wanka!"
07. "Now your pinky is smelling like what my ass is smelling like."
06. "You want I should be cock sucking?"
05. "Nice body. Do you like sport?"
04. "Don't use right hand. Only left one because camera don't see sucking."
03. "Lay down and open your knees."
02. "If you do like that I'm coming directly."
01. "Put it in ‘H’!"

 

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