08.23.09
Gome of the Week
I managed to not see this flick in the theater, and now I'm going to see what I can do about never seeing it on DVD. Needless to say, I choose my battles wisely.
Also, Michael Cera: I've enjoyed our time together, but I think we need a break.
But good luck with your career, and your little pants.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Michael Madsen's IMDb page - Look at how many movies this dude has made in the last few years.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Inspectors 2: A Shred of Evidence (2000)
I told you it was coming! And you thought I wouldn't do it. Well, this mail-inspecting duo put their stamp on me the first time around, and I wasn't going to miss out on the chance to see them deliver again. You see what I did there?
Postal inspectors Frank Hughes (Gossett) and Alex Urbina (Silverman) are back, and this time instead of foiling a mail-bomber, they're taking on the newest generation of super mail criminals: the identity thiefs. Ten years ago, this was still a fairly new thing, so this was an effective way to both entertain people and scare the shit out of them if they hadn't been religiously shredding their junk mail. (Get the title now?)
After a dude dies in a random car accident, it's discovered that he had a bunch of credit card applications on him, as well as a fake driver's license. This eventually leads them to a mysterious ringleader of a highly profitable idenity theft/credit card operation, played by a slightly bloated but otherwise awesome Michael Madsen. Turns out he's been banging bank tellers so they'll look the other way when he gets multiple cash advances on the stolen credit cards.
"Who cares?," you say. "I mean sure, it's putting some people out to have their credit report fucked with, but this isn't that big of a deal." That's what I was thinking too, and they must have known it, because Madsen's character quickly snuffs out one of his lady friends with a pillow just to up the ante a bit. From that point it's a manhunt, complete with stakeouts and a fairly climactic ending. They leave it open for a third film ("What do you mean, next time?," Urbina says), but it apparently never happened. I've gotta give it up for this one, though: they brought back all the same bit players, and even the same writer and director. A sequel done right. And listening to Michael Madsen talk is always a hoot.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Drukwerk - Tweede Druk (1982)
Early 80's Dutch pop has never been any twangier and polka-influenced. I don't know if it's too clear from the photo, but the two guys on the bottom there look about 20 years older than the other three dudes. Fittingly, this record sounds like old dudes trying to play what they believe to be New Wave.
Perhaps most entertaining is their broken-English version of CCR's take on "Midnight Special." The more they chug along, the more awkward it gets. Other highlights include "Tegen Beter Weten In," Ten Kate-Markt," and of course, "Gaat Het Ooit Voorbij."
Witness the weirdness here. I think the red hat was that guy's trademark.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
kwahom - A sweet way to refer to a reverse mohawk.
Origin - Road Warrior Hawk, possibly this guy.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I am so jacked up on Diet Dew, I'm bound to do something extreme."
"Dude, let's stick your scrotum coaster in the meat grinder."
"Dude, that might be a little too X-treme. I was thinking more along the lines of a Dew-fueled kwahom session."
"Dude, I'll get the clippers. And the meat grinder, just in case."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Signs You're Dating A Female Soccer Player:
10. Your bed always smells like the backside of shinguards
09. Her ponytail is so tight she appears to be Asian
08. On your first date, she wore a miniskirt and cleats
07. After a fight, she kicked your car keys a good three blocks
06. Her sports bra was clearly visible under the straps on her evening gown
05. Before you met her, you were only aware of one definition for the phrase "juggling balls"
04. Her handbag is made by Umbro
03. While drunk at a party one night, you witnessed her crush a coconut between her thighs
02. You can no longer get sexually excited if not exposed to the scent of freshly cut grass
01. She's always trying to defend the dishwasher when you're just trying to kick the dishes in there like a normal person
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