08.16.09

Gome of the Week
Just as I was about to award Nicolas Cage the Lifetime Achievement Award for Excellence in the Field of Hairpiecing/Hairpluggery, a dark horse candidate has emerged.

Also: Entourage is a show about douchebags.

For douchebags.

And choads.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Wu-Tang Lego: Da Mystery of Chessboxin' - Rappenin' is what's happenin'.

 

 

This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Rikky and Pete (1988)

LIke the last few movies I've covered, this one had been staring me in the face for about six months. I have no idea why I felt the need to put it off for so long. Maybe it was because I knew it would be severely fucking Australian, and I just wasn't up for a spirited game of knifey-spoony.

It didn't end up being as over-the-top Aussie as I had envisioned, but they did throw in some footage of baby kangaroos and talk about the outback a lot. In fact, this whole flick pretty much takes place in the barren outback, where a brother and sister from a wealthy family flee to get away from their cushy lives. With hardly any introduction to their characters before they hit the road, we're not left with much to work with, but we soon find out that Pete is the nutty one (see him there steering their Bentley from the roof?) and Rikky is the boring one (she's sleeping in the car).

As with any sensible road movie, they encounter a cast of characters on their trip and end up in some wacky–but ultimately beneficial–situations. Rikky plays shitty folk guitar, so she lands some gigs and really gets to cut loose with some lip-synching and awkward acoustic strumming. There was a plot in here somewhere, but I never really figured out the gist of it. Or, rather, I did, but it didn't make sense. They ended up getting jobs mining ore, which almost made sense, but then they blew a hole in the side of a mountain, called it a new mine, and were somehow able to sell it and keep the money.

I may have missed something along the line, or maybe I had trouble sifting through their thick accents. Either way, this felt like one of those movies that probably started off at about two hours in length, and then was hastily chopped down to a lean 100 min. And I'll concede that it was offbeat and unpredictable, but i'm not sure I can confirm the "comedy" claim.

 

 

 

This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Tennessee Squire Association - Voices of Lynchburg (196?)

If you've ever had the urge to hear some septuagenarians prattle on about how things were better before you were born but you don't feel like braving their stale odor, this is the LP for you.

My favorite segment may be "Goin' Fishing," just for the unbelievably perfect names of the guys who do the talkin': There's Lem Tolley, Connor Motlow, Garland Dusenberry, and of course, Irvin Crutcher.

Herb Fanning and the aforementioned Mr. Motlow take us through some of the finer points of "Whittlin'," which is also a treat. Oh, and bootleg whiskey. Who knew that moonshine was big in Lynchburg?

 

 

 

This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Lame! Lame! Lame! - A sweet thing to yell when something is really lame.

Origin - Almost Live!. Witness.

Usage - "Oh, dude. I am going through a soda crisis of the Dew variety."

"Dude, how bad is it? You're going to need plenty of caffeine if you hope to sit in your undies all day playing video games and taking short breaks to beat off."

"Dude, the store has Mountain Dew Game Fuel Horde Red and Mountain Dew Game Fuel Alliance Blue, but since I've got adult onset diabetes, it looks like I'm going to have to settle for Diet Mountain Dew Ultraviolet. But I'm not going to be happy about it."

"Dude. Lame! Lame! Lame!"

 

This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Features of My New iPhone 3Gs:

10. Came with free t-shirt that reads "If You Don't Have an iPhone Please Don't Make Eye Contact With Me"
09. The water purifier
08. The iHooker app that uses advanced GPS mapping techniques to find the closest, cheapest and cleanest prostitutes to my current location
07. Take it in the shower; it lathers up like a bar of soap
06. Patented Dustbuster technology insures that any messy clean-up is a snap
05. I'm pretty sure it was watching me sleep the other night
04. Sends me push notifications whenever a Lil Wayne gets a new face tattoo. You so crazy, Weezy!
03. Left it charging overnight; it knitted me a set of oven mitts while it juiced up
02. Alert chimes when I haven't taken it out and fiddled with it in public in the last 12 minutes
01. When it sits idle, it plays a continuous loop of Alice reruns. That Flo, she's incorrigible!

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