Gome of the Week
Ricci goes for the Nadia Comaneci look...

And she nails it!
















This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Easy Breather - The most unintentionally hilarious and bizarre web comic I've come across, but then again, I've only read like five of them. NSFW if your boss doesn't like cgi boobs 'n' wangs.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Phat Beach (1996)

I usually prefer our featured movies to be a little more obscure than this one, so I apologize if this is too mainstream for some of you purists. But I bought it on a whim months ago and it's been sitting in my VHS queue (yeah, I've got a few stacks that I pick from each week) for too long, so here it is. On top of that, I watched my DVD of Juice last night and I figured I'd make it a two-night Jermaine "Huggy" Hopkins film fest.

If you ever wished Friday was set on the beach and had way shittier production values, then this is the film for you. Heck, even Tiny "Zeus" Lister makes a cameo. Maybe it's more of a Next Friday-type affair: Brian Hooks as the scamming sidekick is going for Chris Tucker, but ends up as more of a Mike Epps. And that ain't a compliment.

"Huggy" plays a chubby kid with poetic dreams and a healthy appetite for both burgers and tail. He gets peer-pressured into going to the beach to chase pussy with his friend Durrel (Hooks), who also convinces him to use his dad's Mercedes as their mode of trans-po. Shit gets wild, dude gets hungry, pop's car gets fucked in and fucked up, and some boobs get flashed. Coolio phones in a brief performance as himself (he was almost believable) and seems visibly irked that he didn't invest his "Gangsta's Paradise" money better.

While Durrel wants no-strings booty, Huggy wants love. Awww. In an unprecedented cinematic turn, he ends up falling for the smarter and less obviously attractive friend of the vapid skank he originally had his eyes on (played by Claudia Kaleem, a girl who should be naked on the internet somewhere but doesn't appear to be), and just to make it all crystal clear, he beats her in a volleyball tournament. You got served, sista!




This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Sauter Finegan and Their Orchestra - The Return of the Doodletown Fifers (1960)

These dudes take their fifing very seriously.

I mean, sure, you've heard "Moonlight on the Ganges" before, but have you heard it played on a six-man gang of fifes? I think not.

I kid, I kid. This is actually a pretty badass record for early-60's jazz semi-noodling. I always thought fifes sucked pretty bad, and I still do, but here they're almost using them as an abstract instrument. They've gone and put my Craptown Pipers to shame.




This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Wow. Good work Nancy Drew. - A sweet way to sarcastically compliment someone who feels that they have sleuthed something out.

Origin - Seinfeld.

Usage - "Oh, dude. The new GI Joe movie was so trump teezee! I saw the shit out of it!"

"Dude, again, you are part of the problem."

"Dude, I did a quick Dogpile search when I got home, and found out that the guy who plays Snake Eyes is the same dude who played Darth Maul. And Toad!"

"Wow. Good work Nancy Drew."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Signs You Are A Tool For Corporate America:

10. You walk around all day with a can of Pepsi crammed up your ass
09. Your wedding was sponsored by Doritos Extreme Kickin' Chili Snack Chips
08. You won't use a butt plug unless it's made with the finest Michelin vulcanized rubber
07. You drilled a hole in the side of a Wal-Mart just so you could make love to it
06. When they get the t-shirt cannon out at sporting events, you flip open your switchblade and exclaim "'Dem shirts is mine!"
05. You only listen to music that is sold near the cash register at supermarkets
04. You consider Samuel Adams a microbrew
03. You named your daughter Velveeta
02. You'll only wash your hair with Dasani
01. You asked the surgeon to shape your appendectomy scar into a Chevy logo

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