Gome of the Week
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Flip Flop Fly Ball - Make sure to check out the Wu-Tang vs. E Street Band box score.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Killing Streets (1991)
This video has been on my shelf for the last six months, staring at me, daring me to watch it. Given the combination of that cover and the 109 minute running time, I was not looking forward to it. But, I was tired of putting it off, so the tape (dubbed in SLP mode, I might add–quality!) found its way into my VCR.
Michael "Let's Pretend Like Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives! Didn't Happen" Paré stars in this war-torn action drama, and if nothing else, his performance answered the age-old question: What could possibly be better than Michael Paré in a starring role? Answer: Two of him. That's right folks, he plays twins in this tour de force. In one scene they actually show him and his twin brother in the same frame! Mind blowing.
Actually, that shot (not to mention all the explosions) is a testament to how surprisingly non-low-budget this movie is. There was clearly no dough put into the script, so they were free to blow their scrilla on lots of car bombs and various other methods of demolition.
Lorenzo "Renegade" Lamas and Jennifer "Gwendolyn Pierce" Runyon round out the cast, and if you couldn't tell from the cover, Lamas is pure comedy in this flick. At one point, after a signifcant bloodbath, someone tells him that his partner just got killed, and all he does is wait a beat and cooly mutter, "Then let's get the hell outta here." That is gold. I'm just now realizing that I didn't mention the plot to this film, but it really doesn't matter. What does matter is that though I never want to see this film again as long as I live, it wasn't nearly as bad as I dreaded it might be.
Did I mention that Lamas has a Southern accent and plays a loose cannon FBI agent? Seriously. Gold.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Johnny Puleo and His Harmonica Gang - Encore Italiano! (1960)
Apparently this chap was a comedian, and from the cover, I sort of expected this LP to be a bit more nutty than it is. Turns out it's just the little guy playing his harmonica.
But I'll tell you what: if you've never heard a dwarf play the "Tic-Tock Polka" on his "mouth organ," you're simply not living, my friend.
And maybe this is funny and I just don't get it. You know, in that vaudville sort of way. Where everyone acts like it's funny but they're just uncomfortable? Might be that.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
you look like you comb your hair with buttered toast - A sweet insult to lay on someone with greasy hair.
Usage - "Oh, dude. The new GI Joe movie is not being screened for critics. So, I must get into a pre-screening under the guise of being an influential blogger."
"They're never going to let you in looking like that, dude."
"Dude, I haven't showered in weeks. Too excited to see Storm Shadow."
"Dude, you look like you comb your hair with buttered toast."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Steps To Take If You Ever Find Yourself Yelling "Freebird!" At A Rock Show:
10. Find the fattest, sweatiest, shirtless dude you can. Lodge yourself under his manbreast and attempt to simultaneously suffocate and drown yourself
09. Immediately run outside, hail a cab, and begin sucking on its tailpipe
08. Take the cellphone you are holding up as a lighter and bludgeon yourself with it
07. If you aren't wearing a shirt of the band you are there to see, go immediately to the merch table and buy one, put it on, and revel in the fact that you are the most stereotypical person in the room at that moment
06. Break your pint glass over your head and eat the shards from the beer-soaked ground
05. Take a quick look around. Are you at a Skynyrd show? No? Then shut the fuck up.
04. Throw everyone a curveball by apologizing and stating that you thought you saw Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy, but it turns out it wasn't him. Your mistake.
03. Go into the bathroom, find a vacant stall, lock yourself in there and cry until the show is over and the janitor finds you and calls the cops
02. Use your ticket stub to block your windpipe, insuring that this won't happen again
01. Blow everyone's mind by producing a parakeet from your pocket and offering it up to a good home
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