Gome of the Week
While I've already whined plenty about my childhood being stomped on by countless remakes (and the most egregious offenders–"reboots"), I'm not sure if I've yet boo-hooed about another thorn in my side: the unnecessary sequel.

Here goes.

If this is to be believed, they're making Heathers II. I don't really know what to say, except don't.

Please, I'm begging you. Don't.




This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Goths In Hot Weather - I should have started this blog years ago.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
False Identity (1990)

Michael Champion is turning into the Michael Caine of my VHS-viewing world. Dude is in everything. This is the third movie I've watched in the last six months that he's co-starred in (One Man Out and Stark were the other two), and I swear I'm not trying to track down this guy's films. In fact, in between One Man Out and this flick, all he did was an episode of Hunter. Looks like The Swordsman might be in my future.

But until then, we've got False Identity, a semi-taut thriller starring Stacy "I Paved the Way for Joaquin Phoenix With My Sexy Hairlip" Keach. He plays Ben Driscoll, a dude who's just been released from prison after 17 years, where he did time for a murder he can't remember comitting. He heads back to his old hometown, where he meets up with a local DJ (Genevieve "When They Make the Rosanne Cash Biopic I'll Be Starring In It" Bujold) who's uncovering an odd story about a deceased local war hero and his connection to the wealthiest family in town. Driscoll can't remember much, but he thinks he may be a missing part of the puzzle.The remainder of the plot is a little too involved to describe here, but you don't care anyway, so I'll move on to some more interesting stuff.

This was a Keach family affair, with Stacy's brother James directing, and his dad Stacy Sr. playing a minor supporting role. Since I also have a knack for watching movies that feature Seinfeld bit players, it was no surprise that at least three folks in this flick had been on the show: Tobin "I'm A Legitimate Actor But I'll Forever Be Known as Jigsaw" Bell, Todd "Enjoy Sack Lunch" Jeffries, and O-Lan "When You Need A Small Town Waitress Gimme A Call" Jones.

The movie wasn't bad, about par for the course in these never-going-to-be-released-on-DVD waters I splash around in. Fun fact: Stacy Keach has an enormous skull. Bobblehead steez.


This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Sterling - City Kids (1980)

This band is like an odd mix of The Cars and Queen. Sound crappy? It is. But you can't fault 'em for trying. Though I want to.

This is mostly generic, radio-friendly, new wave-ish rock, and it all seems to follow an innocent-enough formula ("It's Only Love," "Baby It's You") until track two on side B, where we're treated to the awesomely idiotic "Robosexual," a song about being tired of girls and deciding instead to bang robots. The song is set in 1994, which makes it even more incredible.

"The first Robosexual is steppin' out." It sure is.





This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
crumbum - A sweet way to call somebody a bum with a little extra jab.

Origin - I don't know. Kids in the 30's?

Usage - "Oh, dude. I've been sleeping on your couch for almost three weeks now."

"Dude, no need to tell me. You've really made a full-body ass groove for yourself there."

"Dude, it is a sweet groove. And your food tastes all the better while I am in it."

"Dude, you are a true crumbum."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Historical Inaccuracies in The Beatles: Rock Band Video Game:

10. George Harrison plays keytar during the entire Magical Mystery Tour section
09. Conveniently glosses over Ringo's "morbidly obese" period
08. Lists the Cavern Club location as East Orange, NJ
07. Lennon is constantly chugging Mountain Dew Baja Blast
06. Portrays them performing the concert at Shea without pants
05. McCartney is playing a Jack Daniel's bass, a la Michael Anthony
04. At one point you can see a fan capturing video footage with their iPhone
03. Manager Brian Epsten portrayed by a frail, elderly Japanese man
02. Cut scene clips of the band riding Segways
01. Studio footage reveals George Martin advising the boys to "Avoid the Noid."


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