Gome of the Week
Wow. We just can't believe an unattractive person could possibly be good at something, can we? The way the judges and the people in the audience at this show fall all over themselves to applaud for this woman, you would think she was born without arms and legs.

Way to pull together, society. Let's all carry this unpretty woman on our shoulders and let her know that even though she may be ugly, now that we have found out she can sing, we will make an exception and welcome her into normal civilization. Brava.

But if you expect me to join in, I gotta say fuck that. I'm devoting my time to somebody who actually had to overcome something, Faith the two-legged dog.

Seriously, have you seen this dog?




This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
HardTimes :: Illusion - An optical illusion the likes of which we have never seen.



This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Dudes (1987)

Sketch Artist 2 has still not shown up in my mailbox. I know you're all just swelling with anticipation, but it looks like you'll have to wait at least another week.

Luckily, I have no shortage of semi-obscure VHS tapes to wade through. This week's offering is Dudes, one of the movies Penelope Spheeris made in between The Decline of Western Civilization parts 1 & 2. The flick stars Jon "Don't Call Me Duckie" Cryer, Daniel "Decent Jay Leno Impression inThe Late Shift" Roebuck, and Flea. Quite the ensemble, I know.

This is a great example of a movie that was destined to fail based solely on the cover of the video. If you had to guess, what the hell would you think this movie is about? Cryer's smirking, and the guys look like they're wearing costumes, so a buddy comedy with wacky situations? But then the tagline references a nightmare, which makes it seem like a drama/horror movie. And the car at the bottom lets you know that it's not actually a Western, though the font would suggest otherwise.

In a way, I can see how they had trouble marketing this movie, because it really doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and large portions of it aren't based in reality. The three guys I mentioned above are all NY punk rockers, spending their time rocking out. (The first scene actually features the Vandals playing, which is sweet.) They decide they should go to LA to see where the action is, and along the way, Milo (Flea) gets shot by some yokels who don't care for their campsite. The remaining two dudes (!) set out to find Milo's killer, and it leads them to some wild locales. There is a half-assed attempt to maintain a Western theme throughout the film, but it's not fleshed out very well.

I actually liked this movie quite a bit. The portrayal of punk rock in films is always entertaining, and there was some sweet music in it. Also, the appearance of Doors drummer John Densmore in a cameo as a cop was an unexpected treat. I'll give it two studded bracelets and a pair of fingerless gloves.

Oh Jon Cryer, you were once so cool.


This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
David Munrow - The Mediaeval Sound (196?)

If you've been looking for a comprehensive overview of pre-1600's woodwind instruments, complete with the blandest dialog you could ever imagine, look no further.

They're all here: The garklein flotlein, the sopranino rauschpfeife, the nicilo shawm, the soprano crumhorn, and of course, the heralded alto gemshorn.

And let's not forget the bagpipes. Such soothing sounds.




This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
my god, you're greasy - A sweet thing to say to somebody who's acting shady, slick, or deceptive.

Origin - Homer.

Usage - "Oh, dude. I have found a new way to get chicks. With my mind."

"Dude, have you been reading those "How to Hypnotize Women Into Bed With You" ads in the back of old men's magazines again?"

"Dude, we both know I'm lacking in both looks and personality. It looks like mind control is my only option."

"My god, you're greasy."


This Week's Top Ten List

The Top Ten Signs You Like To Party:

10. You're always saying things like "Party!" and "Fuckin' Paaaarty!"
09. Your roommate Steven Adler had to move out because he couldn't keep up with your partying
08. Your formal wine tastings involve Super Soakers filled with Carlo Rossi Chablis
07. There's nary a neighbor that hasn't gotten a good look at your nutsack
06. You got "That's a hole lotta partying" tattooed on your butthole
05. You enjoy the music of Andrew W.K., but you often wish he would sing more songs about partying
04. You're becoming well-known for your party trick where you eat streamers and then make them magically reappear
03. When asked to list your interests or recreational activities on a form, you always put "partying"
02. When with friends and bored, you often suggest casually, "We could, I dunno, party...?"
01. You haven't worn a shirt since the turn of the century


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