04.26.09
Gome of the Week
I'm assuming the boardroom meeting on this one went something like this:
"OK guys, this movie is about fighting. Now, we need a name that's really going to reach out and grab people."
"How about Fighting?"
"Bingo! That's why you get paid the big bucks! Print the posters."
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Star Wars Collection - I have a strange feeling that I've posted this before, but even if I have, he's added new shit to it recently.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Tomorrow's Child (1982)
A few years before William Atherton would go on to fame playing assholes in Ghostbusters and Real Genius, he played a sort-of-asshole in this made-for-TV movie about scientists trying to create the first baby outside of the womb. It sounds like a test tube baby, but instead of implanting the egg inside a womb, they decide to "grow" it in a jar in a man-made incubator.
Strangely, it doesn't seem that ridiculous now, but back in '82, this was wild stuff. And I think this was shortly after the whole "first test tube baby" thing in the late 70's. So, it was all topical and shit.
Atherton plays a doctor who wants to have kids but also wants to make a big name for himself, so after the woman who initially agreed to the experiment couldn't do it because she drowns in the first scene trying to save her husband (played by a tremendously mustachioed Bruce Davison), the good doctor convinces his cutesy ceramics instructor wife to step up.
She has hesitations and doesn't agree until about halfway through the movie, which, as the viewer, was taxing. She hears from a different doctor that these experiments are crazy, she begins to have doubts, and at one point she almost blows it by forgetting to wear her fake pregnancy pillow.
A bunch of other shit happens, but it wasn't too exciting. I kept trying to figure out what angle they were taking with this whole issue, as it seemed to be leading to some horrific end, but in the end the doctors "deliver" the baby out of the little jar it's been living in and everything's totally cool. But then it 's followed by an epilogue that seems meant to scare people into believing shit like this was actually taking place somewhere, but the government just wouldn't admit it. So, I'm still confused about what the point of it was. I'd draw my own conclusions, but I'm pretty tired.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Wild Blue - No More Jinx (1986)
Apparently this band was originally called Jinx (I've done my research!) but their record company made them change their name. So that explains the nonsensical album title. I only read a little about this group, but it sounds like they got hosed repeatedly by the Music Industry Machine, lost their true identities, made all their friends hate them; you know the story.
Now, I'm no genius, but when you see a bunch of stars and shit denoting different producers next to the song titles on the back of an album, it almost always means there's been too many cooks in the kitchen. Clearly that's the case here (and clearly they were trying to sell records off that girl's looks), but this isn't a bad record by slickly-produced 1986 standards. It's like Scandal without a song as catchy as "The Warrior." Nothing to be ashamed of.
Here's their video for "Fire With Fire," a song that sounds vaguely familiar to me. And you thought her hair was big on the album cover...
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
momcert - A sweet way to classify a rock show for old people.
Origin - Biff.
Usage - "Oh, dude. I have a hot date with an old school 'roke ho this weekend."
"Dude, sounds like you'll be figting fire with fire, a la Wild Blue."
"I don't know what that means, but I am taking her to see John Mayer at the local amphitheater "
"Should be a trump tight momcert, dude. Hope it doesn't go past ten!"
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things Overheard From People Exiting The Movie Obsessed:
10. "White girls be crazy!"
09. "Damn. That's the same title I was going to use for my documentary about you and gay porn."
08. "If I'm not ready for her jelly at this point, I may never be, and that saddens me."
07. "It's stalking season, and I got a hankering for some stalkerin'!"
06. "You know what I'm obsessed with? Milk Duds."
05. "Is there anything Beyoncé can't do semi-competently?"
04. "That settles it, baby. Just to be safe, I'm going to kill all your ex-boyfriends."
03. "My favorite part was when the one girl was like, all obsessed or whatever."
02. "Little Raven Simone is all grown up!"
01. "Women be stabbin'!"
Cancel One Career
