Gome of the Week
Whoah, whoah, whoah. Hold on a second. You mean to tell me these money-grubbing hicks don't have Bigfoot in a freezer? My confidence in humanity is shattered.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
The Top 25 Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians - About time somebody compiled a list.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
When I spotted this at the movie store, I figured it was a slam dunk. A Japanese sci-fi action flick? That's gold Jerry! That's gold! And yet, it left me feeling somewhat, I don't know, blah. The effects are great, don't get me wrong, but after awhile they seem a bit much. Almost everything is some sort of digital effect, save for the characters, and they seemed to lull me into a sort of dazed out boredom. While both the concept and the story excited me, the execution was definitely lacking. Still an enjoyable enough flick but a disappointment nonetheless.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Andreas Vollenweider - ...Behind the Gardens - Behind the Wall - Under the Tree... (1981)
This guy is probably some New Age hotshot that I'm not aware of, so if I suck for not knowing who he is, I would counter that by saying you suck for knowing who he is. As far as mostly instrumental upbeat harp music goes, I usually prefer mine with a little more woodwind, but hey, you take what you can get, right?! Seriously though, this makes me want to stab myself pretty hard. And he gets my award for most annoying and overwrought album title while simultaneously rocking a sweet spiral perm.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
double cross, let's get this one - A sweet way to wish yourself and someone else luck, while double crossing your fingers like this:
Origin - Spudley.
Usage - "Dude, I can feel it. Tonight is the night. We are going to meet the cougs of our dreams."
"Dude, my scrotum coaster tingles in anticipation."
"Oh, dude, check out the tanorexic lady at two o'clock. She looks like she wants nothing more than to be put into the brotisserie by a few fine, upstanding gentlemen such as ourselves."
"Dude. Double cross, let's get this one."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things I Thought Were Bigfoot, But Upon Further Inspection, Were Not Actually Bigfoot: :
10. A naked, confused, and disheveled Ron Perlman
09. An old VHS copy of Harry and the Hendersons
08. A pile of old, wet, lawn trimmings carefully molded into a Bigfoot-like shape
07. An old photo of Michael "PS" Hayes
06. I've woken up next to a few "Bigfoots" in my day, if you know what I mean. Hiyoooo!
05. Seriously though, I used to date this field hockey player who looked a lot like a sasquatch
04. I'm pretty sure Kip Winger installed my cable a few months back. He's got a Bigfoot thing going on
03. Thought I saw him curled up in my garage, turned out it was just a really fat three-toed sloth who took a wrong turn somewhere
02. An old pile of faux fur-lined pleather blazers
01. Let's just say I don't shower at the gym anymore
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