Gome of the Week
Well, they're doing a sequel to Tron. And they're remaking Red Sonja. And there's another Terminator movie coming out. I already mentioned GI Joe a while back. Beverly Hills, 90210 is also making a return. Transformers? That already came out, right? The Punisher, I think we're looking at another one of those...what am I forgetting? Oh, that's right, Robocop. That's also happening. Thundercats? Think that's been greenlighted.Turns out shit was a lot cooler when I was a kid. Or nobody can think of anything new. Either way, I'll expect Gobots vs. MadBalls next summer.
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Classic Wrestling Posters - They sure are.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Wow, I haven't written a movie review in a while. Biff's on a short hiatus, but I am here for you.
I watched this gem a few months back, and I really have to say, it was much better than I thought it would be. It's a grainy, low budget, semi-noir flick where Patrick Duffy plays a washed up sax player/poon hound who pulls a break-in job to get his precious sax out of hock, but gets way more than he bargained for. He ends up falling for the somewhat attractive bitchy rich lady (Catherine Hyland, who has been in three other things since this flick, one of which is coming out this year) who he robs, and after a series of fairly predictable twists and turns, the movie ends on a really low note, which I liked a lot. And, not surpisingly, Duffy can fake like he's blowing a mean sax with the best of 'em.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Richard Maltby & His Orchestra - Music to Recline By (In a Berkline Chair) (196?)
There's not much to say about the music on this one. It's just some standard string numbers. But the cross promotion here is pure gold. From the back: "Maltby gives you variety of mood, but with an overall feeling of deep tenderness, exquisite warmth, blissful ease- utterly charming and gratifying to the ear and heart...music which symbolizes perfectly the restful comfort of Berkline Chairs!" Smooth. The weirdest thing: the lady in the chair is holding the same record that she is on the cover of. Whoah. That just blew my mind.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
A t-minus __ minute asspiss situation - A way to tell those around you just how severe your diarrhea is, adjusting the minutes accordingly.
Origin - Pretty much any restaurant that has "India" in the title.
Usage - "Dude, that taco feed was mad chronic."
"Dude, I haven't chowed down on that much beef in a long time."
"That's not what I heard."
"Dude, weak. Seriously though, if you see a gas station, or even a wooded area of some sort, you may want to pull over. I've got a t-minus two minute asspiss situation on my hands here."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things To Say When You "Have Your Day In Court":
10. "I never woulda thought I could fit that many butter knives up my ass either. But, here we are."
09. "Does lighter fluid count as beer?"
08. "No, his spleen was like that when I arrived on the premises."
07. "Define 'pistol-whipped.'"
06. "And it was at that point that I handed him the Big Gulp cup filled with anti-freeze and said 'prove it.'"
05. "Well, he called our minor league baseball team 'a bunch of chicken-chokin' losers,' so, as you can see, I had no recourse but to knock his teeth out with a car battery and then feed him his own t-shirt. I'm sure anyone here would have done the same."
04. "I have a hard time keeping my clothes on when I've had that much Peyote."
03. "You have to admit, 'drug mule' sounded pretty glamorous. And it was, at first..."
02. "Judge, if you'll shut your cake hole for a second, I'll tell you why I left my kids in the abandoned freezer."
01. "Let me paint a picture: I was smack dab in the middle of a t-minus four minute asspiss situation..."
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