Gome of the Week
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Pain - "Pain" - I hope John can save punk rock from itself.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
The Homeboy (1999)
While this was supposed to be a comedy I am pretty sure that I never laughed at it one time. It is the story of a one hit wonder white rapper who seeks career help from a washed up 80's British rapper named Hoolie Hooligan. Sounds great, huh? There were two things in the movie that at least raised the semblance of a smile on my face. The first was the video of what is supposed to be his early 90's hit, which was intentionally somewhat comical (think Snow). The second was every time "Downtown" Julie Brown appeared on screen it was like you could almost see her asking herself, "How did my career come to this?" How indeed.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
Frank Potenza - Soft & Warm (1987)
When one guy on the record plays "computer-controlled synthesis" and flugelhorn, you know you're in for something special. Especially when they do midi versions of such loved songs as "California Dreamin'" and "Somewhere Out There." Yeah, the song from that movie about the mouse. Luckily Frank throws in some Potenza originals to keep it from getting bogged down with tracks that have discernible melodies and progressions. "Be My Love" and "Soft and Warm" are really just two of the worst songs I have ever heard in my life. The innocent victim here is clearly the kitten, who was told he was posing for a Hallmark card. Speaking of posing, check out a hot pic of Frank right here.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
slide it in like Whitesnake - Sexy time. We haven't done a dirty one in a while, have we? We probably have.
Origin - I was watching David Coverdale interviews on YouTube at work today. Seriously. I couldn't tell you why. Oh, and it's the name of one of their albums.
Usage - "Dude, this rummage sale has turned out to be a great place to meet chicks."
"Dude, you are so right about that. Look at the diamond turd cutter on that 'roke ho over there."
"Dude, her tittoo is fairly intimidating. Proceed with caution."
"Dude, worry not. Give me five minutes and I'll have her on that half-filled bean bag in the corner. Before she knows it, I'll be sliding it in like Whitesnake."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things I Did During My Vacation:
10. Shaved "Shut Up Bitch" into my back hair
09. Cut the sleeves off of all my tuxedos
08. Organized my pornography
07. Made the executive decision to begin collecting and eventually hoarding sad clown memorabilia
06. Called the neighbor's dog a "yellow-bellied wussie"
05. Watched daytime television for the first time in two years. By my calculations, the world's got about five months before
collective idiocy implodes on itself and envelops us all
04. Couldn't afford to go boogie boarding, so slammed some Diet Dew instead
03. Found out that tucking your t-shirt into your biker shorts is not quite retro enough to be cool again. Yet.
02. Went to a White Lion show, but it turns out I was thinking of Glass Tiger when I bought the tickets. Fuck it, it still rocked!
01. Sewed a custom made parka in preparation for Burning Man. Let's do this damn thing
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