Gome of the Week
Not looking good, boys. I wonder how much it would take to get Edgar Martinez out of retirement?
This Week's Link That's Probably Not That Great
Dickipedia - You've probably already seen this. If you haven't, get ready for super laugh time.
This Week's Movie You've Probably Never Seen
Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck (2007)
Any movie where Corin Nemec is allowed to play a serial killer gets an automatic two thumbs up from me. Nemec is actually very good in his portrayal of the pock marked Speck, who is infamous for murdering an entire dormitory of girls in the 60's. The film is much better than one might imagine and manages to be genuinely creepy. The Candyman co-stars as the cop investigating the murders. Who knew that Corin Nemec was so good? Biff, that's who.
This Week's Record You're Probably Not Listening To
John Klemmer - Fresh Feathers (1974)
I'm getting the vibe that I should know who this is, as this record is pretty damn impressive for hammy jazz from the mid-70's. But alas, I am not much of a jazz man. And really, calling this "jazz" would probably piss some people off. John can blow his sax, though. So far my favorite track is "Uhmm! It Feels So Good!" It's got that disco feel that I keep coming back to late at night. I'm not sure what that says about me. It can't be good.
This Week's Hip New Slang Word or Phrase
Hey, I'm a sensitive guy. - Something to say in a smarmy voice after saying or doing something that is not sensitive.
Origin - Steve from Beverly Hills, 90210.
Usage - "Dude, this bbq is off the chizzain."
"Speaking of, it's good to see your sister's abusive boyfriend let her off her chain to enjoy the festivities."
"Hey, I'm a sensitive guy."
This Week's Top Ten List
The Top Ten Things I Did On The Fourth of July:
10. Successfully bested my previous record of 213 bottle rockets crammed up my dumper
09. Prefaced a poor decision with "If I don't go challenge that group of drifters to a rumble, then the terrorists have truly won"
08. Confused many by wearing my American flag turban
07. Constructed a poorly conceived Slip 'n' Slide using saran wrap and a squirt gun
06. Found out that smoke bombs don't create a big enough smokescreen to escape taking out the garbage. You fellas know what I'm talking about!
05. Rented a film called Independence Gay. It was not what I expected, but I sat through it. Twice.
04. Encouraged everyone, in the spirit of the holiday, to rethink our strategy in Iraq. After careful consideration,
I chose to do so in the most effective way possible: Myspace bulletins
03. Bought a prosthetic arm for self-fisting at 3 in the morning. Because this is America, damnit, and that is my right, no, obligation
02. Made love to a bald eagle
01. Assured the neighborhood kids that the angel dust was "American Made"
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